I do the no shampoo thing too! I've used a lot of different methods/formulas and have settled on the Co-Wash from Ouidad. It leaves my hair feeling fresh, awesome and not the least bit dry. It's not cheap though.

For gel, the only one I found that is 'cone' free that still has good hold without being crunchy is the Curl Quencher styling gel from Ouidad. I have the same problem in that so many 'curl' products contain silicone or dimethecone and if you don't use shampoo, that stuff builds up something awful!