Getting back in the saddle....

[Catrin]

(((Blueberry))) hopefully you can find that right balance. Is the bad biking area short enough that it would make sense to walk your bike through it? As for me, if it wasn't for a local large nature park with miles of roads with a very low speed-limit, my injuries these past couple of years would have probably taken me off the bike entirely. That would have been sad, and yes, trainer miles just aren't the same. I can't even get my heart rate near as high on the trainer as I do on the road - even on gentle terrain.

[redrhodie]

I've been dealing with this for the past year, too. We had 2 cyclists die last year, on roads I ride all the time. I hadn't been going on those roads at all this year, even though my city redesigned the whole area with nice wide bike lanes and lowered the speed limit. I've only been able to get myself on the bike really early, and I've been doing an alternate route which has no ghost bikes along the way.

The good news is I finally feel better going the route where the crashes happened. I rode it last Sunday and today, with no bad incidents. I think it just takes time to get your confidence back.

[emily_in_nc]

Blueberry, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. I know that would shake me up as well.

If it's any help at all, you know about my accident in 2005 when I fractured my pelvis while road riding. Although my crash was not caused by a driver but by dogs, naturally I was a fearful of getting out on the road again. And I was also very out of shape since I was forced to take several months off during my recovery. My aerobic capacity and strength were both piss-poor. When I started back, I rode much more slowly than before, and much shorter distances. I was lucky enough to find some slower Tarwheels club rides to join, or I just rode with DH on his recovery days. Like your DH, he is and always has been faster than me, so he had to make a real effort to stay with me, but he could always go out and do more/faster miles after we had ridden together -- or he could go out first and loop back around for me later. Would that be possible with your DH?

Just as I was getting my cycling mojo back six months after my crash, my father was killed in a car accident. That shook me up even more than my own crash, and I felt way too vulnerable (and depressed) to get back on the road for many months after that sad event. Finally what worked for me was starting to mountain bike. Nothing too technical. We lived on a long gravel road, so I started with that, and I mostly just rode with a work friend on the fire road and double track unpaved paths at Umstead Park, where I felt safe from cars. I was also in terrible cycling shape when I started this (and Umstead ain't flat!), but I persevered and eventually became strong again. And eventually I progressed to getting back onto the road. It was scary at first, but after a few successful rides with no "incidents", my confidence grew. And of course now, years later and many rides under my belt, I ride on the roads with very low fear levels.

I hate to stay it, but getting back on the "horse" is really the only thing to do since, like me, I know that you have an undying passion for cycling that will likely not be completely fulfilled with any other activity (running, gym, yoga, etc.) But first, if you are worried about your level of conditioning or just aren't ready to get back on the road, you might consider doing some off-road/bike trail riding for now. I know there has been crime on the ATT recently so I agree with your avoidance of it for now, but if you could get to Umstead (and there may be other places) where you could ride away from cars for awhile while you're rebuilding your strength and endurance, you might come to enjoy it as much as I did. I never felt unsafe there at all, but I did always ride with a buddy just in case.

I wish you all the best with this and really do understand. If I were still in that area I'd ride with you!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ Blueberry }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[Blueberry]

I still don't have lots of answers, and I'm still having some difficulties. 2 more cyclists were killed in a hit and run within the last week in my area. They have not caught the driver. And a well known rando rider was hit here not long ago, and has a very long recovery ahead from the sounds of it. Her most recent blog
post pretty much sums up what I'm feeling with regard to biking (minus the tremendous pain and rehab she has ahead of her, of course).

[tulip]

(((Blueberry))) I felt the same way earlier this year. It took getting out of the country for a few months to a place where cyclists are respected for me to overcome my fears. That's not a realistic option for everyone, though.

As for conditioning, I really like spin classes. I find them much more effective (and way less boring) than a trainer. Off-road or gravel riding would also be a good option.

[rebeccaC]

I wouldn’t force myself back into bicycling until I was ready psychologically. Just as everyone recovers from physical injuries at different rates, everyone requires a different amount of time to recover from psychological trauma. Maybe take up another activity, yoga, long walks etc. to keep up your fitness level until you’re ready to bike again.

I second the idea of off road trail riding. That may help with building your confidence level up, keep you fit and might open up more bike adventures for you. For riding on the road maybe do it in small groups, friends/bike clubs, to feel the safety of numbers.

I also second the idea of seeking professional help if not being able to bike without feeling very anxious continues for very long. A professional can help you by analyzing where your fears are coming from, helping you face your fears and teaching you techniques or exercises to help you through your anxiety and build your confidence up.

Part of my identity comes from bicycling. It’s an outlet for my emotions (sometimes even needing physical pain to eclipse physiological pain) and it builds my physical strength, inner strength and confidence. If I found myself unable to ride because of a physiological trauma I would certainly go to a professional to help me work through it, just like I would for a physical problem that kept me from riding.

Hoping you find your way back to bicycling soon Blueberry!!!!!!!

[shootingstar]

It's awful about the latest cycling fatalities and injuries in your area, Blueberry.

Give yourself time. In the mean time, hope you will pursue other non-cycling passions.

[emily_in_nc]

I still don't have lots of answers, and I'm still having some difficulties. 2 more cyclists were killed in a hit and run within the last week in my area. They have not caught the driver. And a well known rando rider was hit here not long ago, and has a very long recovery ahead from the sounds of it. Her most recent blog
post pretty much sums up what I'm feeling with regard to biking (minus the tremendous pain and rehab she has ahead of her, of course).

Oh wow, Blueberry, thank you for posting Pamela's blog -- we'd followed her touring blogs for a long time but lost touch and had no idea she'd had such a serious accident. How awful -- thank goodness she is ALIVE. But her thoughts about all the distracted drivers do echo what everyone else has been saying on this and other threads here. It's a real problem, and as a result, I'm enjoying trail riding (like the Michelson, which we were fortunate enough to ride for three days here in South Dakota in the past week+) more than road riding these days, and doing more of it. I don't know how much more road riding I see in my future, to be honest.

[Catrin]

{{{Blueberry}}} so sad. I certainly identify with her thoughts on distracted drivers. In the last several weeks there have been 4 terrible accidents involving cyclists in the same area that I've become accustomed to riding. I am seriously considering only riding in Eagle Creek Park these days and not riding on surface streets at all. I find it confining to limit my riding to a park - even if I CAN milk ~7ish miles out of one full loop but that is far preferable... I guess I see more trail running and gym work in my future.

[tulip]

A cyclist was killed the other day in my town. All the reports say he "swerved into the path of a pickup truck." We will never know his side of the story, though.

But I refuse to stop riding. The more people who ride, the more visible we will all be. I'm cautious but I have gotten over my fears that kept me at home. Take care, Blueberry, and give yourself the time you need. Figure out another way to stay active and fit. I know my confidence (on the bike and in life) takes a nosedive when I stop exercising and loose fitness. So start riding in the woods or taking a spin class or doing zumba or whatever. When you get your bike-riding mojo back, your body will be ready.