((((Blueberry)))). I'm so sorry about your friend. And I'm sorry about the incident with your DH, although I am encouraged that the police in your area seems to take these things seriously.

As for advice, are there any routes familiar to you that are very lightly traveled? When I first started riding, I had a route that I did that barely had any cars, good sight lines, no loose dogs, etc. Is there a group that you can ride with, too? So long as the group is responsible, I think there's safety in numbers. Notwithstanding legitimate concerns about target fixation, I do feel safer when I ride if I'm wearing a high viz jersey and using a rear blinker depending on the light conditions. Or take it off road. Are there any gravel roads or mtb trails (assuming you have an appropriate bike) in your area?

You may just have to force yourself to get out there for short rides before the worst of your anxiety subsides. And if it still doesn't subside, then I'd encourage you to talk to a counselor about it. A short round of CBT might be in order.