Accosted by a drunk :(

[Melody]

I was picking up one of my medications yesterday and unfortunately since there is no good place to lock the bike up in front of the Walgreens, I had to lock up the bike up at the end of the shopping center to a bench (the bike rack next to the benches is a _joke_).

I went into the Walgreens, grabbed my meds and came out. There were a couple of guys checking out the bike (making me very nervous) who took off after they saw me come out. There was a drunk guy that I had passed going into the Walgreens and after I came out he started talking to me. Since I had taken the trunk bag off of the bike I had to put it back on before I could take off. The drunk continued talking to me and at one point he asked me to kiss him. :/ He didn't attack me or anything but I was fairly nervous needless to say

I couldn't just take off very easily unfortunately. He was blocking my path out and he kept on talking to me saying I was pretty, etc. etc. At one point he touched my cheek which just made me feel dirty.

I didn't want to get agressive. He was drunk but coherent enough And who knows what he would do. I continued to talk to him saying "no I won't kiss you. I'm married." If he did anything really agressive I could have responded but he didn't do anything overt (at least that's how I saw it).

He eventually let me go after (I guess) he saw he wasn't going to get anything. I got home and just broke down and started crying. Obviously this bothered me much more than I had thought.

What would you have done? I feel better today but yesterday I had a hard time sleeping. It also broke back old feelings of feeling helpless when I was nearly raped 10 years ago.

sigh.

Mel

[Popoki_Nui]

Nine-one-one. Obviously this episode affected you deeply....and rightly so. Do you carry a cell phone? After your first request to leave you alone was ignored, call the cops. At the very least, this was harrassment. He touched you...that is assault as well. I guess I getting to be a hardass in my old age, but I just don't put up with anything anymore. Next time (hopefully there won't be one!)...get a description, find a safer place...and call the cops.
Hope you're ok. {{{{hugs}}}
~Sherry.

[Dianyla]

I'm so sorry that this happened to you. It sounds to me like you did the "deer in the headlights" thing and were somewhat paralyzed by fear. In no way am I excusing the behavior of others, but you need to be able to project confidence and strength and be prepared to defend yourself, since abusers/rapists often smell fear and like to move in for the kill. One thing you may want to do is to work on cultivating some good response tactics, in case you have another unpleasant encounter with this guy or others.

A book you may find interesting is The Gift Of Fear by Gavin DeBecker.

I hope you feel better soon.

[doc]

Yuck! I am so sorry you had this experience. But the worst part seems to be how you feel about it. Just like your near rape long ago, this was NOT YOUR FAULT and in no way should make you feel dirty.

How about counseling with an emphasis on things to do if god forbid there is a next time? I agree with D in that you've somehow got to transform that fear/victim response into something empowering. As women we are taught to be nice, polite, and think of others first. I think yelling at the top of your lungs "get lost, leave me alone" etc might have scared him away. But you were polite. Society's fault. Think about what a guy would have done.

I am so so so glad that nothing physical happened to you (or your bike). Is there even a planter or anything you can chain your bike to in a more central location? Don't stop riding your bike to the pharmacy. And definitely don't let this guy win by altering how you run your life. Hugs and more hugs to you.

[cusepack]

My heart goes out to you. I know only too well the emotions involved in assault. Everyone that has posted has wonderful suggestions. Keep in mind again, that in no way does this have anything to do with you, rather this is about him. Yes, you happened to be there when he attempted this outrageous behaviour, but had it not been you, perhaps it would have been someone else. Therefore, I suggest you still contact the police to advise them of the incident. This way, the area can be patrolled and, you may foil this man's attempt to repeat his actions. It'e relatively safe to say this man will attempt this behaviour again. Remember, speaking up is speaking out.

Please take one day at a time and know there is support out there for you, whether it be friends, family and/or counseling. Talk about it. Share it. Don't let it fester. And, let it empower you and other women as well.

Take care and know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Kathryn

[Nanci]

EEEWWW!! Carry a cell and call 911. Or go into the nearest store and call 911 or ask for help.

I won't leave my bike if I don't think it's safe. Bring your bike into the store, and if they say anything, tell them they need to provide a safe place to leave it. Or go to the drive up window!!

There's a law in my city that allows drunks/homeless to be arrested if they assault (that would be any form of touching you) or aggressively panhandle.

I'm sorry.

Nanci

[Blueberry]

I'm so sorry - what a terrible experience!

I second what others have said - don't hesitate to call 911 or to run back to the store or to yell or scream or do whatever you need to do to make sure he leaves you alone. It is absolutely not your fault.

In the past, we've had some significant problems with very aggressive homeless and panhandlers where I live - I've had one threaten to pull a gun on me. You can bet I went to the nearest store (pre-cell phone days) and called the cops. They now prohibit panhandling after dark, etc. and the cops are pretty good about enforcing it.

I also agree with Nanci's point about bringing the bike into the store. The closest grocery to me has no bike rack and no good place to lock a bike. So I walk around the store with it. I have yet to be bothered (I noted last time I was in there that a bike wheel was sticking out of the break room, so I expect the employees do the same thing).

I would also call the store today and let them know what happened. They will probably be extra vigilent about keeping their store area safe if you tell them what happened - they don't want their customers to have to go through what you did!

Hugs!!!!!

[Lise]

Echoing what everyone else has said. CA in NC suggested telling the store management, which is a great idea. You can take your meds business elsewhere if you don't feel safe around their store. They may respond by installing a better bike rack in front of the store--you can suggest it, and see what they do. Best wishes, Lise

[Running Mommy]

Oh Mel, I'm so sorry. Yes, I know how it feels. It is an awful feeling. I don't really have much to add except that I'm sorry it happened to you. And unfortunately that near rape 10 years ago is probably the biggest reason why you reacted the way you did. It brought back those feelings.

[KSH]

Wow. Sorry to hear it! It sounds very upsetting.

A lady I ride with said she was in a situation once where she felt uncomfortable (out riding alone, was in a neighborhood asking for directions) and after that, she decided to get some MACE. That way, next time, she would feel like she could flee the situation if need be.

Get some mace. Protect yourself.

I hope you feel better.

[Pedal Wench]

I had a similar thing - I was in Vegas and my BF was sick, so I just started driving trying to find a drugstore to get him meds and fluids. When I pulled in, a guy approached me, but I was able to avoid him on the way in. As I was leaving, I saw he was still out there. Without a second thought, I went back in the store and asked if someone would walk me out to my car. Their security guy said that they've been having problems with this guy, and he said that I did the right thing and I should NEVER hesitate to ask for something like that. Listen to the little voices - it never hurts.

Thinking back, instead of that incident making me feel bad, I feel empowered by taking charge and listening to that voice.

[Nanci]

Pedal Wench reminded me- I had the same thing happen at a big grocery store, in the middle of the afternoon. There was a creepy guy by where I parked when I went in, and when I went out, he was still there, so I went in and asked a bag boy to walk me out. But the guy was gone.

I had an incident of "too polite for my own good." I was on a paved trail, late afternoon, after all the cyclists had gone home. Still light. I came up to a crossroad, and there were two teenagers there who wanted to ask me about the mile markers or something, so I stopped on the opposite side of the road I was crossing. I answered a couple questions, but they were making me nervous, and suddenly one of them ran at me! I was ready to take off, luckily, and I did. Then on the way back to my car I rode out on the road not on the trail. And didn't go back for a long time, and when I did, didn't park at that trailhead or ride that direction, instead driving an additional 15 miles to the next trailhead. Still gives me the creeps.

I keep saying I want to carry pepper spray, for people _and_ dogs, but haven't bought any yet. I think it would make me feel safer, though.

And to cure my fear of being home alone after people attempted to break in last fall, I now have a shotgun in my bedroom and know how to use it.

Nanci

[miffy'sFuji]

Melody, I think everyone has offered some great suggestions. We're here to listen and commisurate with you. I try to project a tough exterior, but when confronted I sometimes can't keep it up.

Always remember, your bike is not worth your life or safety. If you're in a similar situation again, even when there are just a couple people looking at your bike that you feel uncomfortable about, I would go back to the store. Either ask someone inside if they would please escort you to your bike or call the police. You can always get home via a friend or cab if necessary.

[slinkedog]

Oh Mel! I'm so sorry this happened to you. I have nothing to add to everyone else's great suggestions, but please know I'm thinking of you and hoping you feel safe. We are here for you. You are not alone.

[E2theD]

I agree with others that in the future you should bring your bike in. Living in San Francisco I'm very uncomfortable locking my bike up anywhere and I'll ask to bring my bike in to stores and appointments. I've never been refused.

As far as the drunk vagrant, that sucks! Since this isn't the first experience you've had with aggressive unwanted sexual advances it is no wonder you were uncomfortable. I would suggest that you sign up for a women's self defense class. I'm not suggesting that you beat anyone up but it will boost your confidence which overall will make you a less easy target. Again though, I'm so sorry that happened to you and I hope you feel better soon. Seems to be a common occurrence here in the Bay Area...

Erin