Totally lost the desire to ride!

[hirakukibou]

I totally understand the struggles of getting on the bike with depression. I have struggled with major depression, severe and chronic, for over ten years. A year ago I lost my father too and then my ex-husband was murdered last September. And as some of you know already, getting on the bike has been quite challenging for me.

My strategy has been to take short rides with supportive friends. I bargin with myself -- I push myself to go out for a half an hour and if that is all I can do, fine. Sometimes I get more inspired and do longer.

I have also been keeping a journal about my relationship with riding and how I feel about it. After I got back from my ex-husband's (who is also my best friend) memorial last September, I could not ride at all without crying. I went on slow, short rides and cried. Then I had one ride where I only cried before and not too much during. It was a beautiful day! It was a breakthrough.

Now, I am able to ride some alone. It is still hard. Part of dealing with my depression has been knowing when to rest and when to push through -- not always easy to discern.

I am looking forward to the time when I feel fully at ease on my bike -- it is worth the effort. Meanwhile, I am trying to be patient with myself and taking each ride one at a time. I am looking forward to riding with Crankin' on Friday -- hope the weather cooperates.

I actually wrote about when to rest and push through on my blog. Check it out if you want. (It's early on in my posts.) www.thepolkadotjournal.blogspot.com

[kajero]

This thread is so amazing to me. It is wonderful reading all the posts and seeing how many of you are/were in somewhat of the same situation and how you dealt or are deaing with it. Your advice, understanding, and stories are wonderful. It is nice to know that other people have dealt with or are dealing with this. Hopefully, I will get back to riding soon. I am really trying, but it just seems so hard to get motivated. It's so hard because cycling is about the only exercise I really enjoy.

[kajero]

Well, now I KNOW I have truly lost my desire to ride. I was hoping by now the work situation would clear up and I would feel like a person again. It hasn't. Anyway, it was a gorgeous morning for riding. What did I do rather than go for a ride? I scrubbed my kitchen floor, washed down all the cabinets, and cleaned all the appliances. (Now you know how bad it is . . . clean instead of ride???? ) After I got all that done, it rained! I have a clean kitchen, but a very lonely Specialized Ruby in the garage. It just looks so forlorn. Maybe I will try to ride again tomorrow. My SO and I are going to attempt it in the afternoon. I wonder if I even remember how to pedal.

It is sad, because I could have gone riding with all my friends today, too! After their ride there was a surprise birthday party for one of them. I just couldn't go. I was afraid my awful mood would wreck the ride and celebration.

[Penny4]

I feel your pain, and understand your lack of desire to ride.

Last year, I was waking up at 6:30am on weekends to go for rides, rushing home from work to go for evening rides....this year, hardly anything. Work has been stressful, depression is hanging over me. The thought of going for a ride is exhausting. Ugh, pumping up the tires, putting the shorts on, filling up the water bottle....all of the sudden it seemed like SO much WORK to go for a ride.

I am so mad at myself because i missed some of the best riding days this spring to lay around in bed and do nothing all day. And now i feel like I am out of shape and can't ride with my normal crew.

However....I did "force" myself to go for a ride last Monday and today. And I remembered why I do it. It is the only time I can really forget about all of those other things that are stressing me out. I don't think about work, or family problems, or loneliness because I am focusing on my riding, and my mind can just be free for a few hours. I only did 12 miles today but i felt great afterwards, and will try to remember that "great" feeling the next time I'd rather hide under the covers.

Like others have said, maybe sometimes you just need a break from it....it's not the right thing for you right now. Maybe cleaning was a good thing for yout today. It's ok to not ride. But I bet your Ruby really does miss you Good luck working through things.