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[redrhodie]

Thanks everyone!

[OakLeaf]

OK this is selfish but I have to vent ... next weekend is this big music festival, we've had tickets for months, and now FIL has had a heart attack, DH is going out there today, and although we don't know the prognosis yet, given his age it's not likely to be positive. All I want to do is spend next weekend listening to some really great live music with DH and now it's probably not going to happen.

I hate being so self centered but it is like literally the only thing I have been wholeheartedly looking forward to in over a year.

[indysteel]

I'm so sorry, Oak. I understand how you feel, and I don't find it self centered at all. Is it possible to go with a friend instead?

[Crankin]

I don't find it self centered at all. Most of us wouldn't admit to feeling this way, so +1. I agree with Indy. Even though you probably want to enjoy it with DH, can you find a friend to go with you?
Hey, I went out to a planned dinner with friends and led a ride for my club when DH was in the hospital over a weekend, waiting for his angioplasty. He told me to go, but I know a few thought it was selfish.

[jobob]

Oh, Oak, I know what you're feeling. I don't think you're being selfish, you were looking forward to something and you had the rug pulled out from under you, and you're disappointed.

I've been in sort of a similar situation for a bit over a year now, since May 2, 2012 to be precise, the day my FIL, a very difficult guy to deal with in the best of times, was in a bad car accident and our lives have been somewhat put on hold by him. I've gone from frustration to guilt to anxiety to guilt to anger to depression and back to guilt (the guilt never actually goes away), although nowadays it's not so bad because heavy-duty dementia has set in and DH is more comfortable with going away for a day or two (so long as we're w/in good cell phone coverage). I've become so good at canceling / postponing plans it's like a new hobby for me -- we had a big trip to Vancouver Island & San Juan Islands planned for over a year now, and the lady at the booking office for the lovely rental house on Lopez Island knows my voice now, and she's been so sweet about rescheduling our rental (3rd time now ). I've lost count of all the other things I/we have had to bail out on -- well, no, not really, I just try not to think about them

And yeah, I'm being selfish and self-centered when I resent how he's hijacked our lives, I know it could be much worse and I should count my blessings. And I do. But every now & then I allow myself a whiny interlude. This one should tide me over for a while, thanks for letting me unload.

[indysteel]

Oh, Jo. I knew you were going through a lot with your FIL, but I didn't know the extent of it. Hugs, dear. I hope you get to go on your trip. It sounds like you really need it, and FIL will probably benefit if you and LeeBob get a break.

[jobob]

Oh Indy you're so sweet {blush}. But in my melodramatic ranting I may have made it sound like he's living with us -- that's definitely not the case. Heh, Lee & Dad would have been at each others throats in no time flat if they shared the same roof. Dadbob was in a nice little apartment at an assisted living facility very near us for about 6 months, until it became obvious that his rapidly deteriorating health required round-the-clock nursing care. We were able to place him in excellent nursing home early this year, which has taken a huge load off us. It's a bit of a schlep from our home but we think it's worth the tradeoff for the top-notch care and pleasant surroundings, Lee goes to see him practically every day and I accompany him once or twice a week. So it's really not much of a burden, anymore (unlike this past fall & winter when I was kind of a basket case, oy) ... I guess the fact that I can talk about it now shows how much better things are.