Totally lost the desire to ride!

[IBrakeforPastry]

I go through this too, sometimes. I have lots of exercise videos and many times it's just easier and faster to just workout at home, rather than get all the gear together (clothes, shoes, helmet, water, etc). Sometimes it's physical laziness, sometimes psychological (for me). I don't know how often you ride, but maybe you just need a break from it?

When I'm in one of these slumps, I like to ride my bike to the store, or library - anyplace within a few miles so I won't be gone for long, and I actually have a purpose. I don't need the gear - I just go. Sometimes that little taste perks me up and then sometimes I'll ride around the block a few more times just for fun. I hope you feel better soon!

[kajero]

Thank you so much for all the wonderful advice and suggestions. I thought I was only one on this board who was going through this . . . else why would you post here. Anyway, I understand my situation a lot better than I did thanks to all your replies. I wish I could say more about work but it is the Internet. If anyone wants to contact me via email, perhaps I could explain more.

I am under psychiatrist's care and am on medication as well going to talk therapy. I know I am suffering from major depression. I have had serious episodes in the past but was doing quite well until all this work stuff started. I finally latched on to an excellent therapist. Among other things at work, she pointed out that I still may be grieving for my father who passed away last August. That's kind of a long time to grieve, but maybe she is right.

I don't have too many other interests. I do some sewing and listen to Audio Books. I also read a lot. I know I need to do something physical, but biking was thing I loved. I have trouble finding enjoyment in any other type of activity. I have a membership in a local health club but for the last four months, all I have done is paid the monthly dues. :-(

Thanks again for all the wonderful advice. Actually, what would make me happy right now would be to go biking on a hybrid and do errands. I have tried doing that on the road bike using a backpack but it wasn't all that enjoyable. I used to do errands using my old hybrid, but I hate that bike. It's the one I had the serious crash on and I don't like to ride it. It's too big and, once I rode the road and knew how comfortable riding could be, I don't like to get on that bike!

[IBrakeforPastry]

Oh gosh - I lost my father last August, also. I sometimes feel I haven't started grieving yet. I live about 5 hours from my parents' home so it seems like we'll just catch up next time I visit. Then it hits me. He was one of my biggest fans, whether I took a 2-hour bike ride, or a 2-week voyage, it was always "Go! Have a great time, and take lots of pictures!"

Sorry to throw all that in there. I'm going "home" for a family visit tomorrow, so it's really on my mind. I think you definitely need to get through that first year with all the holidays, birthdays, and special occasions.

Take care - I'm glad you found a good therapist.

[kajero]

Well, after reading all the posts, I forced myself to go for a ride. I have the day off and it is gorgeous out. So my SO and I went out for 2.24 mile ride. I know it wasn't much but I DID IT. I really did like it although it still wasn't enjoyable as last year. Probably because I am so out of shape and I keep thinking about work -- Although your supportive words crept into my thinking a lot of the time and seemd to block out all thougts of work. Just knowing so many of you have been there and were able to overcome it really motivated me. Wait until my therapist hears that! She has been trying to find ways to help me let go of work thoughts.

Last year my longest ride was 63 miles. It's hard to accept I can only go a little over 2 miles, before getting winded and tired, but it did feel good to ride. Hopefully as I keep thinking of all you who have been where I am I will get back in the groove. In the meantime, I am so thankful for your advice and for the blessings of having your support.

[ny biker]

That's great!! Every journey starts with that first small step...

[OakLeaf]

Glad you got out!

And +1 on looking for a hybrid that fits you better. Tooling around on my errand bike is a WHOLE different trip than the roadie, and when motivation is low, it's so much less of a production to just hop on it in my street clothes and not feel like I have to be going any particular speed or distance to make all the preparations "worth it." If you live somewhere that it's safe to ride at night, slap some lights on it and cruise the neighborhood ... I just love running around on my hybrid after dark.

[Crankin]

I don't have my hybrid anymore, but I just love slapping the lights on and going for a "dark" ride. I have an appointment for one tomorrow morning at 5 AM. It's not even that dark out now, but I love seeing the town wake up. I have a route where I go into Concord center, up the "other" hill in town and around by Sleepy Hollow Cemetery, where famous American authors are buried, and back home. It's about 15 miles. Sometimes, I don't do the other hill and it's 12 miles. I love it.

[grouch2]

Good for you for taking a short ride.
Depression is difficult. It's so hard to understand why the things you used to love don't even stir an interest anymore. I'm so glad you're doing the medication AND counseling route. It really will make a difference.
Your SO will probably notice a change in you and in your moods before you do.
Take short rides as you feel like it. Take walks or anything else you may feel like to get moving a little. Sometimes just sitting outside can help...
I have depression that can be almost crippling if I don't catch it early and get my meds adjusted. The death of a parent can definitely send you into a tailspin, as can work stress and many other things.
Hang in there. It will get better.

[Scrappy]

+1 on the hybrid. Something ridiculously easy to ride and relax on like a Townie. Also, get on some safe park paths and put some fun/upbeat music on while you ride. Music will help give you energy and help drown out the spinning wheel in your head.

Best Wishes,
Scrappy

[colorisnt]

Baby steps are still moves forward. Depression is a hard thing for anyone to deal with. For me, I just had to force myself to do things or other people had to do it. I would go out and sometimes just be winded to walk down the street. But eventually, I started enjoying it before I even realized that going out or working out was helping. Cycling's contagious, anyway. You're bound to start wanting to go out again if you keep at it. Do as much as you can and that's good enough. Depression is a tough card to be dealt but you appear to be doing a GREAT time actively trying to improve your mood. That's all you can do. Give it time and *hugs*. It's not something that happens over night but before you know it, you will be back where you want to be soon.

[ny biker]

I actually see a positive here. You didn't go for a bike ride, but you also didn't lie in bed all day or sit on the couch staring at the TV. You put your energy into cleaning, which is productive.

I hope you're able to enjoy a ride today.

[kajero]

Ugh. The manager thinks I might make it. They are keeping me on a leash for 30 days. But I think my depression is lifting. It doesn't have anything to the 30 days. It's raining, but I wanted to go riding. Maybe tomorrow.

[Bethany1]

I'm for looking for a hybrid on CL to help with errands if that will help. Can you sell the hybrid you have now to help buy a new or new to you bike? The best thing I did was sell my Mamba after my accident as I never trusted the bike afterwards. A huge weight was lifted up after that.

I hope you feel better soon and are up and riding.

[kajero]

I found this poem somewhere on the Internet. I imagine most of you have seen it, but I thought I would post it for those of you have not seen it. (It's given me something to think about. They extended my probation another 30 days. Ugh. What is with them anyway?)

When the spirits are low,
when the day appears dark,
when work becomes monotonous,
when hope hardly seems worth having,
just mount a bicycle and go out for a spin
down the road, without thought on anything
but the ride you are taking."
-Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, 1896