Quote Originally Posted by VeganBikeChick View Post
I think I've figured out what's causing my depression. Came home tonight and was scared to death to be alone. I've lived by myself for 19 years and have never felt like this before. Is it a midlife crisis? Who knows. But I've suddenly thought that what happens if I'm alone now for the rest of my life? All of my friends are married, and I so crave that lifestyle. I want a partner, someone to share my ups and downs, someone to share my company. I feel right now that it will never be a possibility for me and it scares me to death. As it stands now, if something were to happen to me, no one would know until my work looked for me. Coming home every night to an empty place is heartbreaking. I wish I didn't crave physical companionship so much. It's really hurting me.
I feel your pain.
I am in a similar situation (single, all friends married, etc). Last year I had a medical issue and had to drive myself to the ER, found out i needed surgery, and really had no one to call to come be with me. I spent the first night in the hospital alone until my parents arrived from out of state the next day. After 6 days in the hospital, I went home. It took me forever to recover, and that's when a huge bout of depression hit me. I think i had always been mildly depressed and lonely, but this episode was like a giant exclamation point on that fact. Afterwards, i was bursting into tears all the time and was physically fatigued well after the surgery. Finally went to a psych (tried a counselor first and she suggested also seeing a psych). I've been on an anti depressant for almost a year, and it has helped me. The depression is still there, but I'm more stable...more likely to get out a bit more and try to socialize, no more uncontrollable crying.
We all need companionship....it's just so hard to find it. I don't have answers for you, but just wanted to tell you that you aren't alone.