Deep Depression

[indysteel]

This sounds like a pretty fixable situational depression. This kind is lots easier to fix that the kind induced by trauma, PTSD or biochemical mayhem.

I have to wonder if this depression is situational, rather than one caused by biological mayhem. From the sound of it, VBC has been depressed for a while and in a number of situations. Maybe there's something more going on than just a lack of friends and rainy weather.

VBC, have you talked to your therapist about taking an antidepressant? In the very least, it might be helpful in getting you to a better place as far as building some social connections. It takes a while--depression or not--to feel at home in a new place. Also, are you getting regular exercise and are you doing it in a group setting?

[OakLeaf]

Speaking of PTSD, as a cancer survivor, it would be unusual for you NOT to have post-traumatic issues. The only difference between intensive medical treatment and what's commonly defined as torture is that it's supposed to be "good for you," which carries its own psychological burdens because of your having put yourself voluntarily into the doctors' hands. I hope your therapist is sensitive to that aspect of your situation, as well.

[badger]

Firstly, I'd like to offer my sympathies because I have recently been touched by severe depression. Not myself but watching someone I love suffer with it is heart breaking. Because of its fallout, I've started counselling as well as taking a very low dose of antidepressants. It's so low I didn't think it had any effect but I believe it is helping me in my situation.

I also concur that it is probably good if your counsellor practised CBT. And taking some omega 3 with high EPA and I'm sure yoga would be very helpful.

If you think you are codependent on your boyfriend, it probably is a good thing to work on that. A friend was in a similar situation have said that the book "Codependent No More" was helpful.

I hope you can get some help of some sort to help you feel better.

[shootingstar]

You know VeganBike, you might be more naturally socialable than I. Which might be why you'll like to have some 1-2 good female friends locally, sooner rather than later. I was never quite a girls' night out joiner. Friendships for me have been/continue to be one to one, because each good female friend in my life are each quite different in orientation, shared activities and from different spheres in life.

It's not that I've given up, but I know good friendships take time and can't be forced.

For awhile I flagellated myself why on earth did I make the decision to relocate where I am now. Then I sat back and realized: I should take advantage of my experience of living and cycling in 3 different regions of Canada ...and offer that knowledge/experience to others. It is one of the reasons why I blog: though life right now isn't a cakewalk, I want to share the very best that I know and have seen.

[Crankin]

When I made the comment about people relocating to the Sunbelt and taking their problems with them, I would say that most of these people moved by choice, not because they had to take a job there. They decided life would be "happier" in a place with endless summer and then found a job and moved. It would be fine for awhile, but then marital, children, emotional and social issues seemed to come out at about the 9 month to one year mark.
This is just an observation, as I especially saw it as a teacher, with kids moving in from other places. It takes work to integrate yourself into a community. I am a very social person and when I moved back to Massachusetts, it took a lot of work. Most people here stick with friends they've had for years and/or their families. It was worth it, though.
Making friends in AZ was easy, as everyone was new and mostly friendly. However, I have lived in a place I despised (Miami), so I understand the feeling of not fitting in.

[shootingstar]

What does help, especially if one doesn't know anyone well in a newish city/city that's hard to like, is regular contact with loved ones/a friend. The Internet makes it even cheaper these days. I know it's not the same as person in the same physical spot where you are, but if it means providing a sense of personal continuity and equilibrium, keeping relationships meaningful and engaged, then do so. As long as it's a 2-way street/dialogue, giving back to and for with the other person.

Where I am, there a lot of defectors from Ontario, other provinces and some from British Columbia like myself..simply because of a job offer. Calgary is the fastest growing large city in Canada at this time. However that may be slowing down a tad.

The problem is that people are friendly, interested but their commitment to the place/city is not quite there.

[solobiker]

Sorry to hear you are going through this. I moved out here (Denver area) 17 years ago and for me it was tough at first. I don't have too many friends mainly because I am a pretty quiet, shy person. I have my periods of feeling in a funk so to speak. Do you have any other hobbies besided riding your bike. Sometimes I have to force myself to do mine and sometimes that helps. What part of Denver are you in? Maybe we could hook up sometime.

[Melalvai]

If you're in Boulder I have a friend who is vegan & a bicyclist. That's not to say you'd be instant friends but you'd have something in common! I know she would be happy to help you adjust.

[VeganBikeChick]

I have to wonder if this depression is situational, rather than one caused by biological mayhem. From the sound of it, VBC has been depressed for a while and in a number of situations. Maybe there's something more going on than just a lack of friends and rainy weather.

VBC, have you talked to your therapist about taking an antidepressant? In the very least, it might be helpful in getting you to a better place as far as building some social connections. It takes a while--depression or not--to feel at home in a new place. Also, are you getting regular exercise and are you doing it in a group setting?

Indysteel, thanks so much for your post. I am beginning to realize that no matter where I live, depression is going to follow me. My choices in life have led me to where I am; I can't help but compare myself to my friends who are married, with families, and think how much happier I'd be if I was able to follow in their footsteps. But everything happens for a reason, and for whatever reason, it's not meant to be for me - at least right now. I don't think moving back to Seattle is going to make me any happier in the short term than I am here - I'll have my friends, but my depression will still be there.

My therapist is only a social worker, so not able to prescribe meds - I'd really like to avoid taking them if I can. There's nothing wrong with it, I'd just prefer to go a more natural route - such as incorporating yoga, volunteering, etc into my routine. It's just taking the first step that is so daunting right now.

I appreciate your advice.

[VeganBikeChick]

And since I don't have the time to respond to everyone individually, I'd like to thank you all for your responses and insight. Focusing on me and what makes me happy right now is something I need to do. My depression is my loneliness - Friday nights are especially difficult because I'd love to be out enjoying myself but have no one to go out with. Coupled with a large decrease in my salary with the move, I can't just spend left and right on activities.

I've decided to stick it out here for now - I can't keep running away and think things will be better. Familiarity is comforting but certainly no cure for depression. The boyfriend is a different story. Severing ties will be difficult but I think it will be a huge weight lifted in the long term.

I am grateful to each and every TE'er, you have been such amazing support for me.

[Irulan]

Perhaps it's time to change who you do your therapeutic work with, someone with more training in depression issues, who at least can refer you to someone who can prescribe. Also, consider being open to medication. Sometime it IS what works. If all that "natural" stuff isn't working, then it's time to do something different. If you had a heart condition that didn't respond to diet and exercise, I imagine you'd consider taking the next step.

I was pretty brusque in my initial post - sorry about that. If depression has been following you, there's probably something else going on. I have been depressed my whole adult life, and none of the "natural" routes work for me: it's deep biochemical stuff than endorphins and being sugar free don't really have impact on. Medication made a huge (life changing) difference in my ability to function. This is why I get so annoyed when people talk about "happy pills". It's very dismissive of what is a real problem for many people.

[OakLeaf]

You might also consider seeing a psychologist if you haven't before.

Now, granted right now I'm with a LiSW and doing really well with her. But earlier in my life, before I learned how to (1) feel at all, (2) identify my emotions and (3) verbalize them, I went through way too many LiSWs who just weren't equipped to deal with me. I had my first real progress with a psychologist, who did some testing, identified many of my issues, and helped me to work through them.

As far as meds, I personally think that although your therapist can't prescribe, they're probably the best person to help you decide whether you should consider trying something. Unfortunately, very, very few psychiatrists do talk therapy, so it means seeing both a therapist for your talk therapy AND a psychiatrist for your med checks.

Hang in there. Take good care.

[solobiker]

Everyone has given you great advice. Like many I have had to deal with these issues and it is not a fun place to be at all. I hope you can find what works for you because everyone deserves to be happy. I sent you a pm since I think we live pretty close to each other so we can hook up and have a "girsl" night/afternoon. I have not had one of those in many many many years. Hang in there!!

[Dogmama]

m.

As far as meds, I personally think that although your therapist can't prescribe, they're probably the best person to help you decide whether you should consider trying something. Unfortunately, very, very few psychiatrists do talk therapy, so it means seeing both a therapist for your talk therapy AND a psychiatrist for your med checks.

Hang in there. Take good care.

My experience (just mine - don't want to insinuate anything) is that a psychiatrist can best assess whether or not medication is necessary. I've seen several different therapists and they all have a bias either for or against medication. Even if they don't say it outright, it comes out in the sessions eventually. My psychiatrist doesn't do talk therapy and I don't expect that. But when I describe my depression (like a fog rolling in) and tell him that the episodes last longer and are more frequent, that is valuable information. He also knows my history and that helps him with his decisions. I save the "feelings" part for a therapist.

Often, if you get the major depressive cloud to lift a little, talk therapy can be extremely beneficial. It's difficult to identify patterns that don't serve you well, e.g., black and white thinking, when you're in the midst of depression.

Regarding supplements, I am a believer in supplements and I do take them. But when it comes to my brain, I don't want to roll the dice about the actual ingredients. I belong to a group called Consumer Labs that actually examines the contents of supplements. It's amazing what they find - usually not good. If my multivitamin doesn't contain the claimed amount of vitamin C, that just merely sucks. But if you're messing with my brain, that's another thing. I need all the brain cells I have left & I need them to not be doing the Hatfield & McCoy dance between my ears.

[Crankin]

You are getting very good advice, Vegan Bike Chic. I'll just add my 2 cents (or one cent, depending on your point of view), as a therapist who can't prescribe.
No therapist should be "pro or con" medication. It is up to the client to decide for herself, with the help of a medically qualified person. If someone asks me about medication, I give them general information and specific cases where it can be helpful. Then I ask if they would like a referral to the psychiatrist I work with. A solo practitioner (whether they be an LICSW, LMHC, or a psychologist) should have a professional relationship with a psychiatrist or two that they can refer people to. Although I tend to agree with the opinion that Irulan stated, it is not my job to tell someone that they *need* to take medication. In reality, what I find is that when someone is really going through a bad time, they are often open to trying medication (or some other thing they said they would never do). Sometimes, the medication lets you take the first step.
When I was having extreme anxiety a few years ago, I was put on a small dose of an older (non SSRI) anti-depressant, for pain. In fact, it was such a small dose, it didn't even approach the beginning therapeutic dose for depression. Within 4 weeks, my pain was gone, and so was my anxiety. But, I was also doing the MBSR class, acupuncture, yoga, and therapy. I will never know if it was the medication or the other treatments, but I do know that the change was almost miraculous. After 10 weeks, I weaned off of it and have never needed it again. It allowed me to shed my disorted thinking and figure out what I wanted to do.