Deep Depression

[shootingstar]

I'm sorry to hear your heart /soul is hurting, VeganBike.

I don't know about you, but I tell people (because it's true), living here out in the prairies has not been an easy adjustment. Yes, we get lots of sun year round, even if it gets very cold in the winter with snow. Overall the vibe where I am is quite different from either Vancouver or Toronto --still more conservative than either city even with a smallish rag tag of people who are creative, forward thinking outliers. It IS so different here with the shadow of oil and gas industry over the politics, the economy, etc. People are afraid to speak out long and hard, and loud.

I know what you mean not wanting to clean up at home, etc. (But I know some of it is just me --lazy, not interested in housework. Have been like this for um..decades.) Cycling and doing art are my solace, balm and has been the best way to learn and enjoy the area where I live. I still hardly know anyone close enough to do stuff. Only 1 person and she still doesn't know much about me. But she will in time. Meanwhile dearie and I try to coordinate our lives together across 2 provinces. Thank goodness for Internet, visits and long stays.

As mentioned in previous threads over the years, it can become harder to make new, lasting friends as one gets older and relocates homes in various regions/cities.

Does your boyfriend know how sad you are? But doesn't sound as if he will help you. Does he feel the same ...it won't be long-term either? Because if he doesn't know, it takes a lot of energy to hide this from him. Your worry about this is sucking some energy out of you.

People say well, get involved in stuff, volunteer. True, that's what I did in the other cities where I lived. At this time, I'm only a participant in cycling events here and there which is good enough for me. I will always cycle, but right now if I get involved in "something" it will be totally different than cycling. There are other personal interests I haven't explored enough/grown in skills that lie latent at this point in my life. This is why I do art on the side. Have been dissatisfied with the quality of evening art courses locally. So right now, not sure what to do. (I didn't have this problem in Vancouver and Toronto....they have some long standing educational programs with excellent curriculum.)

I figure if I do a lot of stuff on my own, I might as well do stuff that I'm passionate and happiest at the activities. It doesn't solve expanding social circles matters, but at least I use my own personal time that's productive...for me.