I tried riding with one local club and didn't completely agree with some of the things they do, such as always riding two abreast. I'm not really sure why they do that. It's not that I'm afraid of traffic - I commuted through downtown rush hour in a large city for years - but I just don't see the point in doing it where there isn't a wide shoulder.
The only other choice from a speed point of view would seem to be a touring club, but my husband rode with them just once and got left behind when he had to wait for some farm machinery to cross an intersection. They didn't stop, didn't even look back, and didn't tell him where they'd be when they reached the provincial park that was the destination. So he reached the park gate, turned around, and just went back again. They arrived as he was leaving and said they "just assumed" he'd turned around at the intersection where the harvester was crossing. So, not really a well organized club.
The other clubs are all racing clubs and full of much younger and faster people. Occasionally the two of us will reel in someone out on the highway and invite him or her to join us. We met a woman last summer like this. She'd never ridden in a paceline or group before, so it was a new experience for her, but she picked it up pretty quickly.
I don't know what the answer is. I don't mind riding with men as long as it isn't a huge struggle to keep up. Maybe the answer is to join the touring club and try to get them better organized so that people can come out to the rides and not worry about being left all by themselves out on the highway. Years ago I belonged to a large club in Calgary and we would never have "just assumed" that someone had turned around early. Anyone who wanted to leave early had to inform the ride leader so as not to keep the other waiting at the next stopping point.