Quote Originally Posted by indysteel View Post
If you're willing to share, how consistently have you been in conventional therapy? I'm a big believer in CBT and I've seen a therapist myself for over ten years. During on of my first visits with my therapist, she told me that in her experience, it takes 3-5 years of regular CBT to consistently feel better. Now that seemed like a long time at the outset, but in the end, the time (and financial) investment has been well worth it. Her prediction was right; I started to see significant gains at about the 3 year mark and felt mostly "healed" (if that's possible) by year five. I've mostly stuck with it since then because I actually enjoy my appointments with her, and I've had some big life changes over the past few years. I think I could stop though with no ill effect. I'd add that one of the things that coincided with feeling tons better was the start of my yoga practice. I have no concrete idea of why it helped so much, but it did. It just makes me feel more at peace with myself. I know Crankin recommends it to some of her patients; perhaps she can better explain why.

I bring that up to encourage you to stick with CBT over the long haul if you can afford it. It takes time to reinforce new thoughts patterns ans ways of dealing our stressors. I wish you the best in this journey. There is must to be gained from simply taking these first big steps toward emotional wellness.
I must admit that I have not been consistent. My first foray into therapy was after I hit rock bottom with my out-of-control panic and anxiety. I went to see a psychologist and he used hypnotherapy (didn't feel much like anything), and EMDR. He may have done some CBT, but to be honest I don't remember a whole heck of a lot because that was 17 years ago. I had 10 sessions (which I paid out of my pocket and he was expen$ive) and he released me. Initially it didn't feel like therapy did anything, and to be honest I don't know how much it has, but I did feel better after a few years. Around that time I took an anxiety clinic where we did full-on CBT but again, I probably didn't retain a whole lot other than my becoming an abdominal breather. I've gone for counseling every now and again after that, but more sporadic as I only get $500 through my insurance for counseling and that amount really doesn't go far.

I guess when things are "okay", I get complacent and not be mindful of the things I've learned and usually when it becomes a crisis that's when I look for help. This will be my first go with meds, and I'm still hesitant but I owe it to myself to see if I am actually capable of being happy. My guess is I'm on such a super low-dose that it won't make any difference until I up it to what I was prescribed, but a friend who is on it told me some unfavourable experiences like not being able to cry, or feeling like there is a ceiling to your emotions. Anyways, we'll see.

As for my bf, he's come back to town yesterday, and while he's still very withdrawn, he's done a couple of things to give me some hope. I still struggle with catastrophic thinking, even when I tell myself I don't know, and to not predict the future that I can't possibly tell. That is what I really need to work on, my thought process, because I always jump to the worst conclusion. The root of all this is I inherently think I'm unlovable and unwanted. I REALLY need to work on that because I know it's not true (funny how the head knows but the heart doesn't believe it).