Need support, really struggling

[emily_in_nc]

I don't know if it's any help at all, but for maybe six months after my father's sudden death in a car accident, I reached out and related more to my siblings, my mother, and even my step-mother (my father's widow), whom I'd never been particularly close to, than to my husband. He was supportive, but he's never lost a parent so couldn't really "get it", and of course, he didn't have the depth of feelings about my father that my siblings and step-mother did. Fortunately, he was patient and allowed me to grieve in the way I needed to and to visit with, talk with, and email relentlessly the people who did feel the same way I did about my father during those first few awful months, and over time, I became more and more myself. Forever changed, of course, but more his wife again instead of my father's grieving daughter.

I hope that your boyfriend will find his way back to you in the same way -- sounds like he's still consumed with the loss of his friend and just not emotionally available to you right now. I doubt he will leave you for the widow, and I doubt she is looking for a replacement for the man she lost, but since the two of them share so many of the same raw emotions, it's not far-fetched to imagine them grieving together as they are. It shouldn't and can't last forever, though.

Based on my experience, I suggest that you not think the worst about what is going to happen. Certainly talk to your bf, but be gentle and non-demanding. It sounds like prior to his friend's illness, things were going well between the two of you, so there's no reason to think that they won't improve in time. Time is going to be the best healer and unfortunately, you're going to have to be patient even when it is difficult.

Hugs to you...I am sure this is very hard.