Do you have adult children? I need advice.

[shootingstar]

Swan I have a difficult mother and she is not perfect. But at least with 6 children, she did not barge into the bathroom (1 bathroom for 8 people) nor our bedrooms when she knew we may be changing our clothing, etc.

Crankin has given good advice. Harriet Lerner's book, DAnce of Anger is a good, useful book. She's written others too.

If you can, find a job ...and one day, you really really need to move out of home again. Otherwise it will be tough to find a way of breaking toxic relationship at home.

[Irulan]

Crankin's advice is the best ever. She just gave you about 3 months of therapy for free in that post.

[Triskeliongirl]

I have adult children and would never do the things your mother is doing. In fact I always respected their bedroom/bathroom privacy, even when they were still children. The only reason I would have ever violated that (which I never had to do), was if I was concerned they were somehow in danger. And yes, if they visit and go out, I like to know when they will join us for meals so I know how much food to prepare, and how late they plan to be out so I don't worry, but this is the same common courtesy I would give my spouse or anyone I share my household with.

If you have no where else to go, start by installing locks on the inside of the bedroom and bathroom doors, just easy hook and eye locks will get the job done, and work as hard as possible to get a job, any job, as long as it gets you some financial independence. I don't know anything about your background, but if its appropriate, what about a program like teach for america which will give you some income and training. Perhaps you could also consult with a social worker to find out what is available to you as a young adult in your community, whether its educational services, mental health services, training, etc.

[Crankin]

And, I would add that even if you don't have mental health coverage, or poor benefits in this area, you can try to find an agency that provides counseling/casework on a sliding scale like Catholic Charities or Jewish Family and Children's Service. You do not need to be of those religions to partake in their services.

[maillotpois]

I can't add to the excellent advice already given by the others, but I have to say - I have a 17 year old daughter and we give her WAY more freedom and privacy than you're getting. That's just not right at all.

[Irulan]

Crankin wrote

I'm a firm believer in the philosophy that just because someone is your parent does not mean they automatically deserve your respect.

This is so critical to a healthy adult life, but it can be really hard to get to this place. There's nothing wrong about detaching from a parent that is toxic.