OT: My world is upside down

[pkq]

I can vouch for mmelindas and the kid being damaged by one parent badmouthing the other. My mother was so bitter she badmouthed my dad until the very end of her life. My dad was a real idiot. I didn't have much to do with my dad during adulthood because he didn't have much to do with me during childhood. He never sent post cards, never called, never visited, no letters, nothing, after he abandoned us. He also had a bad case of personality disorder. Her badmouthing him made me feel like she didn't like parts of me. After all, I did get some of his genes and influence as a "dad" for six years. I can only imagine what my older brother felt because he looks and acts a lot like our dad.

I didn't blame myself for their breakup, too much, because Momma made certain we understood it had nothing to do with us. As an adult, I think it did because my dad never should have fathered children. He had 8 and didn't raise any of us. He also came from a very strong Southern Baptist, Church of Christ, very middle income family in Dallas, TX. I wonder if he was really bi-polar.

My dad abandoned us in Abilene, TX in 1966 and Momma had no other choice but to return to Louisiana w/ us and live with her mother. That was hard on her. My dad didn't sue for custody. His parents did. Go figure!

I was entering the first grade and got picked at unmercifully by some kids about not having a father. I was scared to death over the possibility of being ripped from my mother. When my grandparents lost the custody battle for all three of us, they sued for custody of my older brother and me. They didn't want my older sister because she "looked like Momma's family." How absurd! That scarred my sister, who is a beautiful woman. I then lived with the fear of being ripped from my mother and older sister. Mid-way through second grade, my grandparents lost their custody battle completely. I was so relieved I couldn't wait to tell my first grade teacher as she made her rounds of the schoolyard. My first grade teacher had to testify about Momma being a fit parent. Those memories are still very painful.

My paternal grandparents were Church of Christ and did all that crap in the name of religion. I still hate religion and the Church of Christ today as a church and refuse to go to one.

Pretty strong emotions exist after 40 years.

Protect those kids. Life is tough enough w/o their dad and his family messing them up.

[latelatebloomer]

FGG, I mostly just lurk these days but just wanted to send you a hug and encouragement. I used to be in a women's support group - most were going through divorice, I was a kid with other problems to hash out. The most important things I remember from those days - take REALLY good care of yourself, now more than ever, (someone who advises me calls it "extreme self care" - to counter the extreme demands on your psyche) and yes, keep investigating how to get a lawyer on your side. There WILL be someone who will help you. Don't be too proud to call the social service agencies - that's why we pay taxes - so there's someone to help us get back on our feet when we've been knocked down. Wouldn't hurt to talk to your local women's shelter/domestic violence center. While you may not have been physically hurt, x is really stealing from you! - and again, you might find some savvy women who can tell you how to get legal help.

A better day is coming.