Work lunch hr.: getting married

[lph]

I'm on both sides of this one. I love love weddings, they're such happy affairs, but I also get horrendously stressed at arranging even minor parties, so I would probably just pass out cold early on my own wedding day, if I were to have one. (Now, if someone else could just fix everything, and throw a huge and lavish party with all my friends for us, I'd be thrilled ;-) Anyhoo, we're not married, after almost 20 years together.

But being a rather private person on certain things, I find something very romantic about keeping it all under wraps, and not making any official bustle about it. It really is nobody else's business, and I salute those who are confident with keeping it a completely personal affair. Besides, if you've already done the Serious Talks and decided you want to spend your lives together, the actual ceremony is just about making it official. (Which, for the record, is what bugged me big time about the Twilight movie(s) - they meet, fall in love, and vow to stay together forever and ever and ever and will never leave each other ever ever ever etc - but then he PROPOSES and she falls over herself with happiness. So what was all that about spending eternity together, just random chat?) And some people are allergic to ceremony and just feel it's a necessary evil and an extremely unromantic part of the proceedings.

[shootingstar]

Since the lunch time hr. wedding event, the young couple are planning a big party in their home province for next summer that will be 4,000 km. away from where they live now...for family and friends.

Anyhoo, we're not married, after almost 20 years together.

Well lph, I thought I was the only wierd one in TE forum..to be with my partner, for a long time but not married for last 21 years. The diff. between you and I, is that you have a child from the union. Dearie has 2 (adult) kids from his former marriage.

[OakLeaf]

I don't know why you consider it weird. DH and I have been together since 1994 and we're married in everyone's eyes except the State's.

Now, our anniversary is weird. We celebrate it on the weekend of the race where we first met face to face. Which isn't necessarily on the same date every year.

[lph]

I don't know why you consider it weird. DH and I have been together since 1994 and we're married in everyone's eyes except the State's.

Which is my sentiment exactly. We might at some point get married, but if living together for 20 years, having a kid for 15 of them and owning our now third home together hasn't proved we're a couple, a paper and some vows aren't going to change anything.
I should add - this is very common here, so not marrying wouldn't be considered weird unless you're extremely conservative.

I like your anniversary, Oak

[malkin]

The main reason Brewer and I got married was that at the time we were looking for a new school for DD who was 10 and every time I introduced him, I thought of Cloris Leachman in Young Frankenstein proclaiming "He vas my BOYFRIEND!"

In the midst of this, my brothers were planning a baseball game rendezvous in San Francisco, and I was mad because I couldn't find cheap flights, so I floated the idea (or proposed?) that we drive and stop in Reno to get married.

(Do I need to add that we live in possibly the most conservative state in the US?)

[shootingstar]

I don't know why you consider it weird. DH and I have been together since 1994 and we're married in everyone's eyes except the State's.

Well, Oak I know of no one else face to face who have been together and in love with their partner for over 20 yrs. but not married on paper. I just know face to face, couples who live together for several years and then get married.

So it's nice to know some ladies here who have a long, long faithful union ...who are like myself and dearie, that have outlived some marriages. (His former marriage was 19 yrs. long.)

[Melalvai]

My sister moved in with her boyfriend in 2004 and my aunts decided that a) they finally believe her when she says she's never getting married and b) they want to throw a 'wedding' shower for her anyway. So they threw her a Shacking Up Shower. It was hilarious.

At the party she made a little speech to explain why they wouldn't get married: "We don't need the permission of a government we don't support or the blessings of a church we don't believe in to be in love." And they don't have kids. Kids is actually the only reason I got married, we both wanted kids and thought it might be difficult for them if we didn't have paperwork, so we got married. Plus I think he wanted the ceremony. Of course, you could have the ceremony without the paperwork.

(Sister's BF was invited to the Shacking Up Shower too but couldn't make it. The family's a bit dispersed and it was part of the Christmas get together that year, so scheduling wasn't an option. And possibly he could have made it by rearranging his plans slightly but chose not to. He wouldn't have enjoyed the attention.)