I really see both sides of this. DH and I wanted to get married on the beach, by ourselves. My parents threw a fit, and we ended up having a ceremony that was a huge compromise for their benefit (not what we wanted - and they weren't paying). It was, at least, outside and still relatively small - but not what DH and I wanted. We would definitely do things differently now.

The BIL (who has been the subject of more than one dear-so-and-so post here) is planning a giant wedding next year in a big city - and we're already dreading it. It's what he wants, and it's what his fiancee wants - so that's great. It's scheduled when I probably can't go (class) - but he doesn't even know that yet. But - DH has no relationship with either of their parents for very good reasons. The brother has already told DH to be prepared to be screamed at my the relatives of one parent, and is contemplating inviting the very unstable parent who has very seriously threatened both DH and me (and with whom the BIL hasn't had a great relationship). BIL apparently expects DH to go and endure whatever is thrown at him so that BIL can have the day he wants without apparently exercising any common sense (he's entitled to invite who he wants to invite, but when you're telling a relative to expect verbal and maybe physical abuse - there needs to be a line drawn). BIL hasn't "decided" who he wants as his best man. DH told him to not worry about selecting him. In addition, BIL apparently expects that all of his male friends and my DH will take a week of their vacation and rent him a house so he can have a week long bachelor's party. In the meantime, we're carefully budgeting because I'm in school and we're trying not to borrow money until I'm actually in Medical School. DH is worried about this, and doesn't feel like he can say no, and I'm worried about everything including DH's safety. Gah.