Stepping out of comfort zones-

[shootingstar]

I was warned by dearie about my recently hired supervisor:

In the midst of the meeting with her and another colleague on a work project of ours, she suddenly cried before us and said that I knew so much. She also said: "I'm not sure why I'm crying". The guy (my work colleague) and I were abit stunned. I said, "I'm concerned". And he added a few seconds later: "So am I". But we carried on the meeting..and slowed down the tempo/pace of the meeting. It gave her time to collect herself, continue talking without either of us creating dead silence and becoming too personal.

After I left the meeting rm. with him, I asked him if I said anything inappropriate. He said absolutely not. He couldn't figure out either.

15 min. later, I had to jump to another meeting in elsewhere with another person.
Half an hr. after this meeting, I walked by her desk (open office concept where people could hear us..) and asked: "Is there anything I can help?" Of course, she said no. But she said she had a need to always know, understand.

Anyway, because of the open office concept I wasn't going to put her on the spot to probe personally. Instead I explained, I was accustomed to not knowing much (this is the existence of being a former librarian) ...but had less of need to know everything in advance. That admittedly I enjoyed that part of any job I had: not knowing everything and treated meeting clients like a journey, not often knowing much about their world but try to ask the right questions, blah, blah.. Anyway, we managed to slide the conversation safely about our clients who themselves undergoing work change, etc. I ended the chat by repeating: Is there anything I can do better? She said, "No, it's my own neurotic..etc."

I should have at least asked her during the crying outburst, if she wanted time out. But the surprise was so great, and her being a supervisor (and an experienced one elsewhere previously for over 15 years in a totally different operation) that it was awkward to know what to do but allow her some respect/dignity.

Dearie wonders if she had other problems which has little to do with work insecurities. Maybe, but anyway... I cannot make her personal problems, my problems.

Background: She is around 60 and did hold a former position with more public importance, more people reported to her, an operation in public media. So she is "experienced" in life to have street smarts, etc. She left because of unpleasant superior and tougher, more inflexible work culture.

How have you coped in your job/career, where you had to step outside your comfort zone alot?

[happyscientist]

That is weird and would definitely be outside my comfort zone. I did cry at work once when reporting sexual harassment, but I have never seen my supervisor cry.

I did have a problem a while back when my boss was sending criers to me because he thought I handled them well and they made him uncomfortable. I handled them by addressing why they were crying (feeling overwhelmed or upset about returning from maternity leave) and ignoring the emotional aspect. I told him to suck it up and handle them himself.

[shootingstar]

I handled them by addressing why they were crying (feeling overwhelmed or upset about returning from maternity leave) and ignoring the emotional aspect. I told him to suck it up and handle them himself.

You're a good person, happyscientist. A real trooper and true: address the real stuff and not get sucked into the emotional stuff.

I've had some terrible things happen to me in certain work situations which I won't elaborate except for one of them:

Over 15 years ago in a job that I loved, I was ushered into the office of a senior manager. He told me I was bumped out of my job: our union gave recently at that time, bumping rights to employees whose job was made redundant. The employee could look around across the organization for an equivalent position and choose to "oust" the incumbent...in this case, it was me. It was such shocking news that I cried in front of the manager. The manager sensed this might happen. Then a few hrs. later, the whole agency, my employer, learned my case.

By sheer luck , was able to qualify (in terms of my education, similar work experience) and transfer to a newly created position in another division. What had happened me, was well-known across the union for (over 20 other) people who held the same type of jobs as I did.

THere have been since then 2 other shocking things that happened in my career which I won't get into but one of the situations, I ended up consulting a lawyer for their advice. But I did not cry: I was enraged and hurt. It was critical that dearie was around at home to talk and hold me.

I have to say this: After all this, the loss of my sister, makes ANY work related stuff incredibly pale. It doesn't make me tough, it's just important to get some priorities straight.

In a person's career, a person can shine in the sun, but it is ..in the end, only a short time in our life.

[Crankin]

I remember getting really upset about things at work, when I was in my 30s and 40s. Things like principals busting up well functioning teams of teachers at the middle schools I worked at. But, as I got into my 50s, I just dealt with it. If I cried, it was at home. I did get "bumped" twice, and while it was painful because I really needed my income then, I just went out and got a new job. The second time happened in my first job here in MA. This job was so awful that I decided to take a part time teaching job in a great system, 40 miles from my house, because I knew it would restore my sanity. It did, and a year later, I was woking there full time, 4 years later I moved closer. I got bumped because the guy whose position I had was a state senator who lost his re-election bid and there is something in state law that says if this happens to a former state employee like a teacher, you get your job back .

[shootingstar]

I got bumped because the guy whose position I had was a state senator who lost his re-election bid and there is something in state law that says if this happens to a former state employee like a teacher, you get your job back .

Jeez. And here I thought I was one of the rare souls that got bumped. I detest bumping rights written into any union contract. (And Crankin, I know for you it's state law controlling this.) When it's there, any union has lost some respect from me.

[Crankin]

Yes, the union was the thing I disliked most about teaching. Don't want to open up that subject here, though. In Arizona, a right to work state, I didn't have to join. No so, in MA. Of course, I'm an anomaly. I am all for merit pay, and in fact, was part of a state initiative that provided merit pay in Arizona. It provided a way for me to earn a lot more money at a time when I really needed to, as well as more professional development. I later did the National Board for Professional Teaching Standards certification during my last 10 years of teaching and I was able to use the extra salary the state of Massachusetts paid me for this, to pay for my son's college education. I don't know why teachers feel it's "bad" to earn more money for improving your skills and doing more work. I worked hard for that money and I think skills I gained benefited my students. Part of the reason I like doing fee for service work in my new field is that I am in total control of how much I make, and it makes me plan thoughtfully about how much I want to work, in order to meet my productivity requirements.

[Veronica]

I really dislike our union. They always come across as very confrontational and I have never felt they represented my concerns. Of course, they believe they represent the concerns of the majority and I really don't fit in.

There are some teachers at our school who are not changing with the times. Our clientele has changed dramatically since the school opened and they refuse to change. Or they are incapable of it. The reality is test scores are important whether we like it or not. I do believe you can teach students to be good thinkers and still have them do well on tests. The union protects these teachers who have demonstrated sub par testing performance over SEVERAL years. My last class came to me with fewer than 50% Proficient in Lang. Arts and several students scoring Below Basic or Far Below Basic. When they left me I had the same group at 83% Proficient and the the other 17% had all risen to Basic. My current crop of 4th graders is even worse. The average reading range in my class is 2.9 - 4.3.

The teachers below me are still doing the things that worked when our students had all attended preschool, and had parents who could help them. They don't want to change "what they have always" done. It's frustrating. I'd love to have a class like I had 20 years ago - very little blurting out, kids knew their basic facts, knew how to read... But that's not our reality.


Veronica

[Crankin]

I don't miss all of that... I was an outlier, too.

[Veronica]

It's funny, but now that I have a handle on how to teach this group, I am really enjoying them. Some of them don't have a lot of "raw material" to work with, and they are so socially immature; but they do want to learn.

They thrive on anything that gets them talking and moving. They love being read to. I wish I never had to lecture.

Veronica