I find a flatter pillow is more comfortable for me. Same for dearie. In some cases, if I am visiting somewhere and am provided with a thick pillow. I just remove the pillow and sleep without a pillow. Otherwise I end up with a neck ache.

We like an extra firm mattress. Haven't used memory foam and see no need at this point. But a good investment in high quality mattress has been top for us. Expensive but a saver in sleep and the health of ones backs.