Dear life,

The last month has been HARD. And it's still hard. I'm glad you gave me a swift boot to the behind to get myself together, to seek out new friends and I am glad to have found kindred spirits in people I'd otherwise never have connected with if you had not put this in my life. But, I am still sad. I am sad because there is no longer anyone whom I have been friends with long enough to have my back unconditionally. I am sad because I don't know how to stem the immense loneliness and isolation I still feel at 3 in the morning every morning. I know this is where you are giving me a chance, an opening, to finally become the person I've always wanted to become. But I wish it didn't involve so much sadness, loneliness or isolation. Or the many times I wonder whether whatever is going on now will last forever. I know that one day, it will change, I will not feel like that forever. But in those hours when I wake up far too early and cannot go back to sleep, I can't make myself believe it.