Adjusting to a harsher area-worth it much later???

[shootingstar]

An acquaintance in early early 70's is being strongly encouraged by her son to move out to our area (Calgary) from VAncouver area. He has relocated from Vancouver area because of a job offer.
She has been an active long time cycling advocate, cycled and camped across Canada solo after she retired as a nurse. She led exercise groups for older seniors for a few years.

She had recent problems with her eyes and had to have surgery (not sure if it was cataracts or what). I know she has been cycling less. She's visiting town ...probably to check it out and figure out her decisions.

She has been a single mom and raised her son for most of his life. She is a grandmother of 1 grandson. But she's never lived with her son. Always lived on her own after he grew up. A rather impressive but humble person who enjoys being with people all sorts of ages. She has a group of close-knit friends, most active in walking and cycling in Vancouver. I believe she has stayed "young" in spirit because of....mixing with diverse age groups well, cycling and having some friends with common interests. She has gone on cycling tours overseas with other people over the last few years and had a great time.

Now our area has much longer, harder winters, services where she will be living if she moves will be further away from her (actually she will be in a sprawling suburb), etc. She's got some interesting choices ahead. What would you do? I see her case in terms of marital status, as a parent, activity level, independent spirit and outlook similar to some women here in this forum. (or some of us may outlive our partner).

She is like me..grew up in Ontario. So harder winters is not totally new.

[Crankin]

Frankly, I am of the belief that retirement isn't the best time to make these drastic changes. Why leave your support system and a nice life, to be near your kid? I mean, she will not be able to have the same kind of lifestyle, in Calgary, based on what you've said here. There's been a documented increase of older seniors returning to their home states/support system after some years of retirement in another place. I know I will never leave Massachusetts. I might want to travel for a few weeks in the winter (visit my friends in AZ!), but for example, I would never want to move to California, just to be near my kid who is there. Thankfully, my other son is here.

[lph]

Well, I'm probably of the wrong age to answer, but it must depend a bit on how close she is to her son, and how many friends she has where she is. I would rather chew my arm off than move closer to my mom, but I am hoping my son will hang around within reasonable visiting distance once he's grown.

[OakLeaf]

I watched my grandmother make a change very much like that. After her husband's death and the beginning of dementia, family moved her from assisted living in Washington, DC where she'd lived for 50 years, had many friends, an active social life, and of course access to public transportation and infinitely varied cultural opportunities - to my uncle's home in literally the middle of nowhere, 30 miles from the nearest convenient store, where she knew no one, and -40° winters to top it off. It wasn't good for her. She deteriorated quickly. Would she have kept more of her mind longer if she'd stayed closer to home? No way to know of course, but most of the research suggests she could have.

If your friend has already made the choice to live beyond the point where she has to be dependent on others, the choice then becomes whether she wants to depend on one person, her son, for EVERYTHING, or whether she has enough financial resources to hire caretakers and/or a living facility of her own choosing and stay within reach of the friends she's made over the years. Unfortunately, for many people, finances dictate the choice. I hope your friend at least has enough funds to feel that she has a choice. It's much easier in Canada than it is in the United States where health care costs are such an enormous proportion of household expenses.

[shootingstar]

Some great points here. I totally agree that a familiar support system that is already been there for awhile for person is so important..and a diverse support system, not just 1 person.

She might be visiting out of curiosity but I don't think so, because it's not as if Calgary is such a superior place over Vancouver. And I don't know she has much time to visit the Rockies. She doesn't have a fantastic pension to do expensive one-off travels on her own anymore. I know she spends her money carefully just based on social restaurant dinner situations in the past.

I was posing this question theoretically also because we will all have to plan/deal with this at some point in time --for ourselves.

For myself, if pressed, I would be prepared to consider sharing accommodation with a sibling...for sure..or move back to a city where there is family. But for certain, I have made a clear conscious decision to make sure I am already close to services and amenities...now.

I went to a neighbourhood ratepayers association recently. And found half of the volunteer board were semi-retired or retired folks who were still quite active. These are people in their late 50's and up.

[Serendipity]

Have two co-workers who are actively planning to relocate once they retire - one in 2 years, one in 3 years - to live in the same city as their children & grandchildren. That city is over a thousand miles away from where they current live. Don't quite understand the concept of uprooting yourselves from a life to start all over again. Hear from people that have relocated for work reasons that it becomes more difficult to make friends and establish oneself in a new community. Choosing to do so is something I find strange.

And those children and grandchildren have busy lives of their own, so they are not going to be all about making sure the parent(s) are settled and adjusting well; nor should they be. Given the mobility of people and families these days, what happens when those children are transferred to another location or receive another job offer - do you follow them again?

Of course, I do understand if there are financial reasons for moving in with children - would certainly never be my first choice, so I am doing all the planning/saving/investing I can to make sure I never get there......

[nuliajuk]

I suppose it really depends on where in Calgary her son lives. If he's near an LRT station and the river pathway system, she could get around easily by train and ride her bike as well. If he's out in the middle of one of the newer suburbs, it could be isolating.
At least you get Chinook winds in Calgary, so it's not all long and cold in the winter. Although, the mess they make is sometimes not worth the warming. I haven't really missed them since moving to Saskatoon. Here we get a definite winter, then it all melts in one big rush in the spring.

[shootingstar]

to relocate once they retire - one in 2 years, one in 3 years - to live in the same city as their children & grandchildren. That city is over a thousand miles away from where they current live. Don't quite understand the concept of uprooting yourselves from a life to start all over again. Hear from people that have relocated for work reasons that it becomes more difficult to make friends and establish oneself in a new community. Choosing to do so is something I find strange.

And those children and grandchildren have busy lives of their own, so they are not going to be all about making sure the parent(s) are settled and adjusting well; nor should they be.

I would tend to agree with you Serendipity that it is harder to make friends the older one gets. Goodness, we've individually complained about this here several different threads over the years. Adult children have their own lives and it amazes me that one assumes they all equally care about aging parents and express it in the way that we want them to.

Living with a sibling...would mean for me to move back to where I used to live for over 20 yrs. or back another city where I was for over 8 yrs. Places where one still has personal contacts outside of family.

Latest: this friend who is 75 yrs. wants to meet me in a suburb. She's no longer comfortable driving into core of our city..because she seldom drives.

And this is someone remember, who cycled solo 5,000 km. with her stuff across Canada @65 yrs. This is someone who used to lead bike rides, etc. She is not in terms of her life, a helpless female, waiting for a guy to do stuff for her.

Nuj: Her relocated son lives in Airdrie, north of Calgary. Maybe she's made up her mind after all, to stay in the Greater VAncouver. At least, she's lucky that she has a son who wants to be near him when she gets older.