Reminders- age but different life choices

[shootingstar]

I can't claim that all of my good health (so far) is just me (though as an adult we do become fully accountable for this), I do credit a healthy foundational diet I had as a kid where we weren't counting calories but more about balanced meals, etc. which alot of the home knowledge (from primarily my mother. Though father provided lots of useful info from newspapers on healthy vs. unhealthy food trends), I incorporate into my own diet.

Most definitely I see the effects of good diet long term on various members of my family as the years roll by.

A healthy diet with a healthy approach to food in general for several decades of life has a profound effect on a person's overall physical development and what they become as an adult, how well they feel and how that might affect aging.

I actually don't spend enough time reading diet books, food labels (maybe I should) or learn about designing menus. I try to eat intuitively ..which is probably only partially successful. I'm not sure if I want to go through life and into elder years, counting calories. Maybe I'm not facing up to reality.

I can only see myself taking an expensive cruise holiday if../when I become disabled from age. I'm not the sort of person that likes being confined in a vehicle for several days ..when I know there's an exciting foreign country to visit along the way. I have to get out there..and experience it directly.

I have parents who at my age, had no desire to travel further than 100 kms. away or so. However I have to credit them what they did in their early 20's, that I will never do: they immigrated to a completely different linguistic and cultural environment. That in itself can be stressful and can 'age' a person, especially on a low income.

[emily_in_nc]

Most of the men looked pretty good, too, actually. I guess we all have remained active, or at least the ones who showed up to the reunion!

Just wait til your 40th! I just went with my DH to his, and while some of the women had aged well, the majority of the men just looked old and fat. My DH and a couple of his more athletic friends looked so much younger than most of his peers. It was really interesting to compare and contrast.

[Koronin]

My grandmother (my mom's mom) was around 8 years older than my grandfather. (They have both passed away several years ago. My grandmother was in her mid 90's when she passed and my grandfather died about 9 months later. We truly believe of a broken heart that she wasn't there anymore). I'm actually 8 yrs younger than my husband is. We are also childless by choice. Neither of us ever wanted kids. We got married when I was 27. (Just celebrated our 10th anniversary). The most annoying thing I've had is having people ask when are you going to have kids. My husband's mom is one of the worst offenders of that. I swear some people just don't get not everyone wants kids and some of us would NOT be good parents at all.

[Crankin]

Emily, I went to my 40th HS reunion in 2011 (well reunion of the HS I would have graduated from, if I hadn't moved, which is for me, really a reunion of my childhood friends). At the last moment, like 3 PM that day, we decided to stay downtown at the hotel. As we checked in, I asked the person at the counter where the reunion was, as I didn't see it listed on the board. This person, about 25 years old, looked at me and said, "Wow, you guys all look SO fantastic. I can't believe it's your 40th reunion." To her, we were ancient. I laughed and said, "Oh, they probably all had work done," but seriously everyone did look really great. Although, when I met my close friend outside the room, before going in, the comment scared both of us . The guys did look in worse shape, too. I had gone to the 25th reunion in 1996 and the guys didn't look so awful at age 43.
After seeing these people, I realize a lot of what I do is really a cultural value; while I lived a bunch of different places and done lots of things, but I guess I really internalized a lot of this stuff from my upbringing. We were all so very much alike, despite different experiences. People make fun of the place I grew up, but... a lot of good came out of those years.

[shootingstar]

Well, in a few days I will be a meeting a sister of a close friend to go hiking in Banff National Park. I believe her sister is around 8-10 years older than my friend (54). This long time friend is also a long time cyclist, x-country skier ...and now also tennis player.

However her sister is different since she said sis has health issues, etc. I guess I've been accustomed to her having 2 other healthy, active siblings also in their 50's. I met them also.

Well anyway, I have a 51 yr. old sister whom I dearly wish she would be willing to go at least for hikes, etc. But she has some walking problems for long distances, when she developed a mysterious balance problem. But I don't advise her on exercise or anything. I know she is reasonably careful with her diet. She is single and child-free. We're just glad to spend time with one another. This is in contrast to 2 other sisters (43 & 48) who jog/do pilates often. These 2 sisters each, have several young to teenage children. My brother could use some exercise at 45 yrs., but his face still looks youngish. I think he went through a bout of jogging and lost some weight. But has regained it.

But none of us have yet developed any heart/respiratory problems. And we are all aware, because of our upbringing, on what /how a proper diet looks like. It's how we implement that um....knowledge.

[Serendipity]

I'm curious as to why several of you mention being surprised that co-workers have parents your age. I'm 43, and some of my youngest co-workers are in the early twenties, young enough for me technically to be their mother. Though I'll admit that I would be surprised too if they had parents my age, since the average age for a first birth is late twenties. But I'd pretty much expect that to be the case if I were ten years older.

lph, my take on this is that it isn't so much being surprised that co-workers have parents my age, it's more a sense of realization that I am the same age as my co-workers' parents. As in - 'how did that happen?' or 'where did all those years go?'. Conversely, what often startles me is to realize that some of my co-workers are the same age (or younger) than my children!!! Yikes! Again, it's an in-your-face realization that I've forgotten how old I actually am (54).

Hope that makes sense.

[tealtreak]

My grandmother (my mom's mom) was around 8 years older than my grandfather. (They have both passed away several years ago. My grandmother was in her mid 90's when she passed and my grandfather died about 9 months later. We truly believe of a broken heart that she wasn't there anymore). I'm actually 8 yrs younger than my husband is. We are also childless by choice. Neither of us ever wanted kids. We got married when I was 27. (Just celebrated our 10th anniversary). The most annoying thing I've had is having people ask when are you going to have kids. My husband's mom is one of the worst offenders of that. I swear some people just don't get not everyone wants kids and some of us would NOT be good parents at all.

Koronin- please hold this thought for your husband's Mom- THANK YOU!!! for not having kids if you were not into it!!!(: In my work in pediatrics I have met WAY too many folks who had kids and should not have! Tell her I said so (:

[indysteel]

As I mentioned upthread, DH is 12 years younger than me and we do not have, and do not want, children. I'm generally just fine with all of that, but the other day I awoke with this horrible thought in my head: Of my husband all alone after I am gone and he is old himself (assuming we both live to a ripe old age). He's an only child and while he has three really good friends from childhood, he is otherwise not the most social of people. He's not particularly close to the family that he does have. I'm not saying that I wish we had kids for this purpose--as that sounds like a really bad reason to have children--but it makes me sad that my DH might be alone as he ages. I'd worry less about that for myself because I'm much more apt to have built a support system outside of my marriage and family. Does anyone else without children have these thoughts (regardless of whether you're older or younger than your spouse)?

[GLC1968]

As I mentioned upthread, DH is 12 years younger than me and we do not have, and do not want, children. I'm generally just fine with all of that, but the other day I awoke with this horrible thought in my head: Of my husband all alone after I am gone and he is old himself (assuming we both live to a ripe old age). He's an only child and while he has three really good friends from childhood, he is otherwise not the most social of people. He's not particularly close to the family that he does have. I'm not saying that I wish we had kids for this purpose--as that sounds like a really bad reason to have children--but it makes me sad that my DH might be alone as he ages. I'd worry less about that for myself because I'm much more apt to have built a support system outside of my marriage and family. Does anyone else without children have these thoughts (regardless of whether you're older or younger than your spouse)?

Yes. All the time. My husband sounds very similar to yours in many ways. Mine doesn't even have any family left (he was also an only child) and while my family loves him and would want to stay close to him, he wouldn't likely stay in touch without me around.

I agree, not a good reason to have kids (nor is the fact that my parents would be AWESOME grandparents!).

[indysteel]

I'm glad I'm not alone in thinking/worrying about this. I was starting to feel neurotic.

One thing I will say is that neither set of our parents would make good grandparents, so no unborn child is missing anything there.

[shootingstar]

I'm not saying that I wish we had kids for this purpose--as that sounds like a really bad reason to have children--but it makes me sad that my DH might be alone as he ages.

Still having children is no guarantee they will visit an elderly parent or pay attention much/at all. This most definitely would be heartbreaking to any parent.

What is important to me, since I chose not to have children (he has 2 from a previous marriage), is comfort/knowledge that I have several blood/family relatives younger than my generation which we know one another over the years. This is important to my own sense that I exist connected (no matter how tenuous) directly to a network of family members. I'm sure there are some who are/end up all alone as an only, child-free individual..no nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles and all parents/grandparents no longer living. I do know someone who became like this in their early 50's....which is early.

But she is a socialable person who seems to attract alot of goodwilled friends, etc. A great trait.

[nuliajuk]

Last summer I was on my company's dragon boat team. Between races, one of my team-mates started gushing about a breast cancer survivor's team that was competing and doing very well. "And they're all really old, like over 50!" I didn't know whether to laugh out loud and point out that I'm 54 or feel slightly offended.

[shootingstar]

Though I not at all one that wants to shout out my age to people in my workplace (that wouldn't go over well with some co-workers who are in their mid to late '20s. They would shrug: "So what?"), I would have at least responded to the innocent team-mate: No, they're not old: these women are survivors for life.