Help! Need to ditch slow neighbor! (long-ish)

[Geonz]

We've got a person in the club who fits this description... and just doesn't know what it is to exert, and really doesn't want to. so intimidated, I think, that a sort of emotional shut-down happens as soon as effort is required. It's *never* a really good ride... bottom line is between your neighbor's slow bike and slow riding that it's not a good match. I might ask her how she felt on that ride... just to figure out where the huffiness was coming from ('cause that would tell me just how self-centered she was...)

[climbergirl]

Thanks again, everybody.

I've been thinking about this, and I think I need to address the little snitty blow out. As follows: I recognize that we had a clash this morning. I think it's because I'm frustrated and you're frustrated, for our own reasons. We're closing in on the end of the riding season, and while I've really appreciated your company, I think I need to focus on getting as much hard riding in as I can before winter. I'd love to have coffee, though.

I think I can't pretend the clash didn't happen. I'm sure she feels bad about slowing me down. Honestly, SO wants me to do Dairyland Dare with him next summer. The 100k route has 6,663 feet of climbing and the 150k route has 10,340!!! And I want to do it. I thought I could do "recovery rides" with the neighbor. But there aren't enough nice days left. So... hard rides on the nice days, recovery "rides" doing housework!

Oh, and to respond to Shooting Star: I push myself really hard when I go out alone. It's me and the clock and the speedometer. I stick with the routes I know fairly well that don't take me so far from home that I could get really stranded (weekday rides are loops between 20 and 30 miles, rarely out-and-backs). I've only lived in this state 18 months. I've only been road cycling since last Christmas. I'd love to have someone to show me more areas, who is close enough to my skill level that we could push each other and support each other as needed, and generally help me feel like it's not ALL about training. I love being on my bike. LOVE it. SO and I have 3 kids (1 mine, 2 his part-time). I just want someone to share this activity with me more than the twice a month weekend rides SO and I squeeze in together.

[pll]

I would be honest and simply say that you have limited time for cycling, and that you need to make the most of it in terms of training and for you that includes riding as fast as you can; leisurely rides are not part of it. If they take offense, so be it. Most reasonable people would understand.

[Crankin]

I ride with two people that are slower than me. One is getting slower as the years pass and the other one is improving. I don't expect a fast ride with them and I don't look at the time or do anything that would put a huge time limit on my riding time, unless I state it explicitly up front. But, on the other hand, I'm not training and I don't care. I go ahead on all of the hills, and usually by the end of these rides, I am alone and ahead. But, it's still social. Of course, they are good friends, and we are riding familiar routes. I guess it's slightly different, as they both are knowledgable road cyclists with nice bikes and appropriate clothing for such. I know some people wouldn't ride with them, but I just don't care anymore. I get my faster rides alone, with DH, or with a group once in awhile.

[PamNY]

Irulan's advice -- "direct, clear and tactful" -- is perfect. If you want to, make it all about you -- say you need to focus on training, and you realized you can't do that when riding with other people. But definitely don't feel obligated to continue cycling with these two. It won't get better.

Their behavior sounds extremely self-centered. I'm a very slow rider -- there's nothing wrong with that. But I'm well aware that my pace would not be right for many (maybe most) cyclists.

[Biciclista]

gosh, just tell her about the ride you have to do next spring. Be honest. You DON'T want to be sneaking around.

[smilingcat]

What Irulan and Bicilista had to say. Don''t sugar coat the "bad" news. Maybe they are realize they are in way over their head with your bicycle ability and not sure how to break the news to you.

Just tell them that you enjoyed their company but training ride is just that and you have a training goal. And don't show up with a 40 pound beater bike so that you can ride slowly with them. It sends a wrong message. If you have a kit wear it. Ride your regular training bike. They'll see that your intended ride is not the same as them. They will understand.

[Cathy88]

Climbergirl - The Hub Bike Co-op in South Minneapolis has women's group rides, both fast and slow, on Monday nights in the summer. Of course they're over for the season now but here is the text from their event calendar:

Women's rides - Casual and Road
Women's Road Ride-This is a faster-paced road ride of about 15-20 miles at about a 15 mph average speed. We will ride in a single or double pace line on streets and with traffic. The ride will begin and end at 3020 Minnehaha Ave. South in Minneapolis at 6:00 pm, every Monday from April 16th through the end of August.

Women's Casual Ride-This is a causal-paced ride that will use a combination of bike paths and streets. This is suitable for all kinds of bikes (and all kinds of riders!). The ride will begin and end at 3020 Minnehaha Ave. South in Minneapolis at 6:00 pm, every Monday from April 16th through the end of August.

I know what you mean about winter looming (I'm in the Twin Cities too). There are precious few days left!

[climbergirl]

Thanks, Cathy88! I've tried to keep an eye on the TCBC calendar, but I hadn't seen the Hub's calendar (I test rode bikes there, though!) I'd love to meet some other women who ride. Evenings might even work out when the kids don't have school. For now, juggling part time work and family, I usually ride alone during the day and devote evenings to dinner and homework. It's nice because there are fewer cars on the roads mid-morning, but it also means it's REALLY hard to find people to ride with, especially since I don't really know anyone in the first place. :-P

Maybe we'll luck out (for cyclist - not for farmers!) and have another winter like last year. I rode at least once every month.

[Trek420]

Women's Casual Ride-This is a causal-paced ride that will use a combination of bike paths and streets. This is suitable for all kinds of bikes (and all kinds of riders!). The ride will begin and end at 3020 Minnehaha Ave. South in Minneapolis at 6:00 pm, every Monday from April 16th through the end of August.

Hey, Climbergirl, Now, that ride sounds promising for your neighbors to gear up for. I hope you'll let them know.

It sure makes winter easier with something to look forward/train for/goal next season. Back when I was in sunny, very hilly California riding with the Velo Girls Club I'd meet some folks at their club rides. We start and end together, my fast friends way ahead during the ride. I'm more the "Where's the hill, point me to the hill, I'll get there" kind of rider. Slow but very strong and steady. Stronger now I think since I lost the 20 lbs or so.

[Penny4]

I'm the slow poke when I ride with my friends, but I always tell them they are not obligated to stay with me, I know they have their own goals, etc etc and don't ever want to hold anyone back. But I am on a road bike, and go to group rides and aware of mph, etc. You neighbor just has a drastically different idea of riding than you, which is fine...

As others have said, just be honest and tell her you are going to head out a bit earlier because you want to get some extra miles in, or you want to go work on your hills, etc. Maybe you could offer to ride with her when you get back from your solo ride? Or see if she can ride her bike to the coffee shop and meet you after your ride, and then you can ride home together.

Or you could just let the air out of her tires. KIDDING!!!!