KSH,
I loved your first post. no I am not some sado-masochistic type person...it's just that to know that others have been in the same (low) place makes one feel "not so alone". I read each line and said "yep, remember that ride", "yep, remember that one too"...and I could so remember feeling like giving up, said the same things you did to myself. It was like I was there with you!!

I think everyone here has propped you back up, and you probably propped yourself back up after the ride once you realized what you accomplished. I just think it's important to know you are not alone, and there are lots of us that ride to accomplish something for ourselves, not for what others think we should do. Yes, I'd love to average 20mph and an 8 min mile, but, I need to balance my life with the level of work I am also willing to put in.

I did a MTB race years back after a pitiful training season and although I was about 10th from last, it was the hardest thing I've ever done, and the the biggest accomplishment as well. I've always had the "brain" thing going...undergrad, grad degree, rapid career, but none of that seems to be as big of an accomplishment as these races and rides, even if I end up at the back of the pack! It's all relative.

Best of luck, best of training and best of fun on your rides!!