Thread Drift

[Amira]

I knew my partner's mother well for over 16 years before she died.

At her wishes, she was cremated. So when my partner had to transport his mother's ashes to her desired resting spot in Ontario....he packed his panniers and included the urn of ashes. He rode up a 10% long hill and another hill to get to the airport to fly from Vancouver.

It was appropriate and poignant ....son-cyclist riding with the care and final weight of his mother's ashes on a long hill in a journey.... Ride with me in my journey, all the way to say good-bye.

I do have the photo of him climbing the hill on a sunny fall day on his way to the airport. I hope as cyclists here you are not freaked out.

Freaked out? No, that is so beautiful and appropriate and loving. My 48 year old brother passed away very unexpectedly in March 2011. He was a professional snowboarder and adventurer and he was living and training and coaching in Tahoe at the time of his death. We had him cremated; in part, my sister and I were sure that was what he would have wanted and, second, in more practical terms it was the most reasonable and economical way to handle things. He was a free spirit and, while I know this was unconventional to my 80-something parents, we divided up his ashes and gave small amounts to many of his friends, who have taken him to all the mountains he loved and the beaches he surfed all along the Pacific Coast. Friends took him to special, meaningful places they shared and a few took him to places he wanted to go - including Alaska, New Zealand and the summit of Mt. Kilimanjaro (on his 49th birthday). I had a friend take some to the first place he loved in the mountains - Philmont Scout Camp in New Mexico. He's at Mt. Hood, in the terrain park they named for him. He's at Vail, in an out of bounds area we ski by and 'talk' to him. I 'took' him to the snowboard nationals (two weeks after he died) and again this year, leaving some ashes at the finish line of his favorite event and under the podium. I'll take him back next year, as his friends will compete in his favorite event to mark the last year he would have been eligible to race in that age class and he'll be at the start line, finish line and podium. He even rode around Tahoe with my sister and I two weeks ago (in our seatbags) and, knowing he never met a finish line he didn't like, we left him at the finish and in the lake. I still have ashes that will go on 'adventures' with us for a long time. It may seem weird, but honestly, it's been pretty cathartic to think of him out there in the places he loved. I hope someone will do that for me one day. I cannot imagine a conventional funeral any longer.

[zoom-zoom]

He even rode around Tahoe with my sister and I two weeks ago (in our seatbags) and, knowing he never met a finish line he didn't like, we left him at the finish and in the lake. I still have ashes that will go on 'adventures' with us for a long time. It may seem weird, but honestly, it's been pretty cathartic to think of him out there in the places he loved. I hope someone will do that for me one day. I cannot imagine a conventional funeral any longer.

I love knowing that you guys did that, after the fact. What a beautiful day it was to honor your brother's life like that.

I also plan to be cremated. Hopefully my loved-ones who are here after I pass will do something cool and meaningful like you guys have done for your brother.

[Amira]

I love knowing that you guys did that, after the fact. What a beautiful day it was to honor your brother's life like that.

I also plan to be cremated. Hopefully my loved-ones who are here after I pass will do something cool and meaningful like you guys have done for your brother.

I used to joke that they could scatter my ashes in the planters overlooking Neiman's shoe department, but seriously, I want to be scattered around like my brother (and in fact, in some of the same places...Tahoe and Vail among them). I figure he can come do the JDRF rides with me for years to come (I still have probably half the original container of ashes left). And, given that he had 413,660 miles on his 'super truck' when he died, I suspect he'll be cool with going to lots of different JDRF ride locations. The man did like to go places.

Talk about a surreal moment .... getting a Priority Mail box delivered to your office with ashes in it. I was taken aback at the heft of the box. My brother was so lean - imagine Lance, only about 3 inches shorter. But that box was heavy. I just kept looking at that box (through giant tears) and realizing that he HAD his priorities in the right place - I've never met anyone who lived life like my brother did. He loved what he did with a passion and he was a doer and adventurer. He left an unbelievable legacy of friends and memories and stories. He never made diddly squat monetarily, but he was the richest person I know in more important ways.

I so relate to the past few pages of posts of dealing with elderly relatives and diminished abilities, because that is my reality at the moment as well - my parents, my in-laws, my remaining aunts and uncles....and struggling through the right decisions for care, maintaining independence as long as possible and quality end of life decisions. You mourn the small losses of independence and faculties before the end, and, in the end, I expect that the loss of a parent is profound and deep, but it is a different loss entirely than that of a sibling. In our own way, we're found a way to cope and move forward (you never really get over it, though, it's something in your mind daily) and try to build something positive.

Hey, zoom-zoom, if I'm around and pedaling still, happy to have you 'ride along' on my bike one day. I hope people will do that for me, too. Think of all the great destination rides to come.

[withm]

I love this!

I used to joke that they could scatter my ashes in the planters overlooking Neiman's shoe department, but seriously, I want to be scattered around like my brother (and in fact, in some of the same places...Tahoe and Vail among them). I figure he can come do the JDRF rides with me for years to come (I still have probably half the original container of ashes left). And, given that he had 413,660 miles on his 'super truck' when he died, I suspect he'll be cool with going to lots of different JDRF ride locations. The man did like to go places.

Talk about a surreal moment .... getting a Priority Mail box delivered to your office with ashes in it. I was taken aback at the heft of the box. My brother so lean - imagine Lance, only about 3 inches shorter. But that box was heavy. I just kept looking at that box (through giant tears) and realizing that he HAD his priorities in the right place - I've never met anyone who lived life like my brother did. He loved what he did with a passion and he was a doer and adventurer. He left an unbelievable legacy of friends and memories and stories. He never made diddly squat monetarily, but he was the richest person I know in more important ways.

I so relate to the past few pages of posts of dealing with elderly relatives and diminished abilities, because that is my reality at the moment as well - my parents, my in-laws, my remaining aunts and uncles....and struggling through the right decisions for care, maintaining independence as long as possible and quality end of life decisions. You mourn the small losses of independence and faculties before the end, and, in the end, I expect that the loss of a parent is profound and deep, but it is a different loss entirely than that of a sibling. In our own way, we're found a way to cope and move forward (you never really get over it, though, it's something in your mind daily) and try to build something positive.

Hey, zoom-zoom, if I'm around and pedaling still, happy to have you 'ride along' on my bike one day. I hope people will do that for me, too. Think of all the great destination rides to come.

[zoom-zoom]

Hey, zoom-zoom, if I'm around and pedaling still, happy to have you 'ride along' on my bike one day. I hope people will do that for me, too. Think of all the great destination rides to come.

You know, I think I'm going to tell my DH that if he outlives me that I want a portion of my ashes going to anyone who will do something cool with them. I'd love to have a bit of me left in all sorts of places--places I already love and maybe places I've never been, but would have loved.

[indysteel]

Our friend's mother passed this morning. Her suffering is finally over. May she rest in
peace.

[Amira]

I hope your friend (and other family and friends) will find comfort and support as they grieve their loss. Someone told me last year that grief is a process, not an event. That is so true. I hope she leaves a wonderful legacy of love and good stories behind and am glad she is not suffering.

Our friend's mother passed this morning. Her suffering is finally over. May she rest in
peace.

[Amira]

You know, I think I'm going to tell my DH that if he outlives me that I want a portion of my ashes going to anyone who will do something cool with them. I'd love to have a bit of me left in all sorts of places--places I already love and maybe places I've never been, but would have loved.

Personally, I can't imagine doing anything else. Two different big groups of friends got together - and both groups (one in Idaho and one at Northstar at Tahoe) met at the top of the mountain for the last run of the last day of the season, talked about him, scattered his ashes and then all skied/boarded down and went out to toast him and tell stories. It dumped snow on both groups. I think he was definitely there in spirit.

I think I freaked out a poor sales clerk at the container store though. I bought probably 30 or so 4 oz. travel containers, all the same size, to send out the ashes. I guess I bought so many of them she was curious and asked me what I was going to do with them. So, I figured....well, she asked....and I told her. Not the answer she was expecting.

Even some of my friends who didn't even know my brother volunteered to take him places - that's how he got to Mt. Kilimanjaro, which I think he would have totally dug. My friend and his partner took him to the summit and videotaped it and sent it to me. So cool. Then, when they got back to base camp later, they toasted him with beers.

Finding someone I knew that was taking a scout troop to Philmont this summer was totally serendipity, but my brother loved his time at Philmont as a kid and it had a huge influence on him, so that was perfect.

He still needs to go surfing in Hawaii, though. I think I need to be the one to take him there.

Found two pictures - the color one is from Mt. Hood last summer with a bunch of his friends. We were at the top of the terrain park at Mt. Hood Summer Ski Camp. They also renamed the terrain park for him (he designed it and built most of it and was the longtime head snowboard coach there in summer). Coming from Texas, it was so mind-blowingly cool to be skiing in JUNE! The b/w one is from our private family event last July in Vail. This is about 100 yards or so down from the Gondola in an out of bounds (so appropriate for him) area, but one that my then 86-year old dad could get to. I will say the one thing we learned in Vail was be careful which way the wind is blowing when you are releasing ashes. Oops.

[redrhodie]

(((Indy))) I'm sorry for your loss. She sounded like a cool woman.

[OakLeaf]

(((((Indy & friend)))))

Wonderful ideas here for honoring loved ones' legacies.