Thread Drift

[Sky King]

reeling, reeling Reading the New Yorker article flooded me with emotion and memories, thanks Indy (sorta )
The story of Sarah, for the most part, is the same story I experienced with my mom. My mom did not want her cancer to be her end. Her doctors were much like the Dr's in Sarah's story, wow.
Needless to say, my Mother refused to accept hospice because to her that meant she was giving up. She died in the hospital, which would have not been her original wish. She was in a morphine induced coma okay have to stop as it dredges up way to much.

Death and dying, can't be avoided but I have never met anyone who has said, "sure, I want to die a painful death from Cancer." Am sure Mimi would have many thoughts as well.
Thanks for all the great insights and opinions. What a great discussion.
stacy

[indysteel]

((((Sky King)))). I'm so sorry about your mom. And hugs to anyone, most especially Mimi, who has or is facing end of life issues.

Like I said, the New Yorker piece has provided me much food for thought, not the least of which is what role, if any, I should play in helping a loved one dealing with a terminal illness one way or another with end-of-life issues. We are so conditioned to support the "fight" against cancer (as a for instance) and to remain positive and hopeful. It often seems terribly insensitive to even hint at anything but success or to discuss the possibility/inevitability of death in anything but the most abstract of ways. But as the article so eloquently points out, there are other discussions worth having, discussions that medical professionals aren't always initiating or facilitating. How can we lovingly and sensitively broach these subjects with someone? I feel inadequate when it comes to truly helping someone, beyond the usual "you're in my thoughts and prayers."

[Sky King]

then I could really drift and go into the role of primary care giver for the 87 yr old Dad with dementia ... Perhaps another thread. Current challenge "is the anti-coagulation drug really necessary at this point"

[redrhodie]

I recently watched "How to die in Oregon", which is a documentary on HBO about the right to die. Heavy, and well done. It does show a couple of people die, so know that before deciding to watch it.

[OakLeaf]

((((((Sky King))))))

How can we lovingly and sensitively broach these subjects with someone?

I feel really inadequate too, but I don't think I really can broach any sensitive subject, including mortality but also any number of other sensitive topics, with someone who's shown no inclination to discuss it. IMO the initiative has to come from the person whose mortality is in question. I do think that having these discussions, on TV and in the magazines, and semi-anonymously here, helps the broader goal of making everyone more open to talking about it.

[indysteel]

I agree that I wouldn't initiate such a conversation. But if someone was to open that door with me, I'm not sure I'd know how best to proceed. I guess it's just something fir now that I'm glad to be cognizant of, although it may just be a matter of te before it becomes real, e.g., with my parents.

Thank you, ladies, for a thoughtful discussion about a difficult and loaded subject. I gain so much from your collective wisdom and experience.

[salsabike]

I do think that having these discussions, on TV and in the magazines, and semi-anonymously here, helps the broader goal of making everyone more open to talking about it.

Yep. And I would just add given my last few years of experience, this can let us talk about it with parents, spouses, and others we love BEFORE it becomes necessary. It helps everyone start to think it through without being on the edge of the cliff and trying to decide in two seconds while the alarms are blaring at you.