Dear So and So

[OakLeaf]

Dear friends of the guy who used to put cigarettes out in my sister's legs and beat the cr*p out of me with belts,

If I'm crying, it's not from grief at losing him. If I'm shaking, it's not from suppressed sadness. It's not out of respect for him that I'll be at the funeral. And if I'm not interested in talking to you or knowing about your relationship with him - even if you never saw him abuse a child, think about all the times you heard him verbally abuse a work subordinate, a service person, or his wife - anyone in a position of inferior power to him, all the way through the last weeks of his life - and ask yourself why you thought that was acceptable.

[malkin]

((Oak)) It's powerful to see what you see and know what you know and then go ahead and feel what you feel.


((Scrappy)) Hang in there sweetie. I never believed it when I was younger, but my 40s and 50s (so far) just keep getting better and better.

[Crankin]

I am sorry you have to go through this, Oak. Most people just don't get it on this particular topic. And most people don't do or say anything, either. My own MIL told me my DH must "have a psychological problem" because of the stuff he told me about his childhood. OK, and you watched your husband abuse 4 kids...
One thing I know for sure, is that kids don't lie about this stuff and from my perspective in the field, abuse/neglect of any kind is the root of about 75% of all mental health issues.

[indysteel]

((((Oak)))). How awful. I so feel for you and your sister. We have a white elephant of child abuse in my own family. I'm sorry you've had to endure this.

[Catrin]

Oakleaf, I am so sorry that you were faced with this. As Indy put it so well, my family also has that same white elephant (part of the reason I am so far from my family and rarely go home)...continuing to send many hugs and warm thoughts your way during this very hard time.

[Crankin]

Yes, and this was part of the reason we moved 2800 miles away from DH's family.
And some people think we were cold about the fact that my FIL died a horrible death from Lewy Body Disease.

[Pax]

((((Oak)))) Thinking of you.