okay ... on the subject of "doing the exercises" ... I came up with a cue for myself a year or so ago that I've just been too embarrassed to share with anyone, but this is TE, after all.

I think unless you're actually trained by a pelvic therapist and by putting something to hold inside - a lot of cues wind up making you bear down, increasing the pelvic pressure and overwhelming the muscles of the pelvic floor. It's been found that most people with urge incontinence have hypertonicity in the transversus abdominis. This is the cue I give myself now: "cervix to navel." The pelvic floor lifts instead of clamping down, and the sphincter closes like a drawstring.

Yay.