Dear So and So

[Owlie]

(((((Pax)))))

Dear universe,
Lay off Pax and PaxHoney, if you don't mind.

[spokewench]

Oh Pax, so sorry to hear about all your troubles; and also Pax's honey and Mom. Sometimes, I wish all of us were a bit closer so we could react like real friends. It is hard to be separated by space.

[SFLiz]

Pax,
If, as the others already suggested, you have the option to take FMLA, I can tell you that it can be just what you need in these kinds of situations. I knew nothing about FMLA in 1997-8 but my employer at the time offered it to me after learning about my struggles at home. Back then I was constantly trying to stay one step ahead of my father's deteriorating health. My employer and I worked out a plan to work from home where I could keep my eye on my dad. I took no pay cut all the while on leave. Consider discussing options with your employer if your work is something you can do remotely from home. Today it's a lot easier and more accepted to work remotely. Perhaps you can ask for even part-time work from home, to alleviate your crisis.

If I can offer any advice at all, I urge you to please force yourself to dedicate some time daily solely for yourself. Even if that's just 10 minutes a day - this type of stress caring for a parent can be debilitating mentally and/or physically. If I didn't have my passion for distance running back then, I would have fallen deeply into depression (as it was, I was not in good shape emotionally). You need to give yourself some time to decompress from that kind of stress or it will take a toll on you. It's vital. If I can offer any advice at all, let me know. PM me.

[Pax]

Thank you everyone, I'm feeling a bit battered by life at the moment, your support and caring is a big help.

Thankfully my employer is very understanding and FMLA was offered immediately. I have no option to work from home but my honey and I are the sort who live far far below our means, so we can absorb the financial shock pretty well. I've been having to firm heart-to-heart conversations with my mom and that is painful, but it's helping. I don't want her to feel badly, but I also won't be treated like "the help" when I'm busting my butt to help her.

[malkin]

(((Pax)))) Hang in there, it has to get better.


Blueberry: Ick. Alternative, SCHMALTERNATIVE!

[salsabike]

Pax, I would bring you guys the warmest most comforting casserole dinner if only I could. I am really sorry. You will get through to the other side of this.

[Owlie]

Dear mother,

Yes, I know my knee hurts. I do have some idea what caused it, and it should be relatively easily rectified. (By a new bike--seriously, this is the cost-effective solution. Full 105 would cost me around $1300. New drivetrain and shifters would constitute a significant fraction of that. Owing to where I work, I can get a very significant discount on a full-carbon frame with Ultegra for around $1500.)

Telling me to just stop riding is not helpful. I'll just stick with new pedals and shoes right now, as the fitter suggested.

[Crankin]

Owlie, ignore your mother. We can be annoying.
Seriously, I can't count how many medical professionals have told me this in the past 12 years, even ones who are cyclists. People can't see beyond their own solutions.