Dear So and So

[Biciclista]

To whom it may concern:
hey, it's still summer!!!
brrrr!

[lph]

Dear tiny middle-aged woman I see almost every morning,

you're a hardcore commuter cyclist. I know, I see you out there spring, summer, autumn and winter. You're not broke, you have real bike clothing and a good helmet. Won't you PLEASE go and treat yourself to a proper bike, instead of that monstrous, heavy step-through you struggle with up every hill? It's way too big for you. If you were a guy you'd be riding something half the weight and three times as expensive. It's ok, really. You deserve it. Go for it.

much love,
-your sister commuter

[lovelygamer]

Dear tiny middle-aged woman I see almost every morning,

you're a hardcore commuter cyclist. I know, I see you out there spring, summer, autumn and winter. You're not broke, you have real bike clothing and a good helmet. Won't you PLEASE go and treat yourself to a proper bike, instead of that monstrous, heavy step-through you struggle with up every hill? It's way too big for you. If you were a guy you'd be riding something half the weight and three times as expensive. It's ok, really. You deserve it. Go for it.

much love,
-your sister commuter

This is sweet. I met a low income guy last week who has rode his pedals down to nubs. I felt so bad for him and his beat down bike. He was as happy as a clam to be out biking though. His story was he's lost fifty pounds and got rid of severe gout since he started.

[lovelygamer]

Dear people who want to help me when I don't want it.

I really do love you guys and girls for looking out for me. I realize I am mostly poor and yeah, probably shouldn't be spending 800$ on a new bike but I WANT to and it's my $800. Do you know how much gas money I save by cycling? I have a ten year old Jeep with a soft top that runs like crap and eats gasoline. I want this bike and I'm saving for it. I will get one, regardless of your comments and efforts to sway me. It will take me awhile but it will happen. I'm nearly 40. I've ridden my current bike for 500 miles and after much time and effort spent on it, realize it's failures and inability to fit me. You haven't rode one mile with me. Let it go, okay?

[bmccasland]

Lovelygamer - I think all of us at TE would agree, You deserve the bike! Go for it chickie!! And when you get your new bike, just remember, we like pictures! Good luck on saving up the funds, so that when you ride out of the shop, it'll be yours, all yours!

[Elphaba]

Dear UPS man,
please get my Avail Inspire to the LBS soon so I get a chance to ride it before I leave for vacation
Friday afternoon.
Thanks!

[Crankin]

Dear TE friends,
Just want an opinion. Well, not really an opinion, because I already decided what to do, but maybe just venting. About a month ago, my niece (daughter of my DH's brother) who is 15 was diagnosed with leukemia. She's 15, it's not childhood type of disease. She's doing well with some targeted drug tx, and will be having a bone marrow transplant in February. Her sister is a perfect match. My issue is my BIL and his inability to focus on what others are feeling. A little background:BIL is ten years younger than DH, youngest in family. Born on the same birthday as DH. Two sisters in between them, neither have kids. BIL was moved around a lot, told he was "a mistake," and generally got no attention. He's a liar, or let's just say embellishes everything. Compulsive spender and work-a-holic. Was in the army, met and impulsively married someone with a substance and mental health issue, had a kid and then had to "rescue" the boy from his mom after they divorced. The son did not turn out well, as despite years of therapy, BIL married someone barely older than my own son (5-6 years) who teated the son like Cinderella. The sick niece is the "princess" of the family and her sister, who is going to be the donor is ignored and quite overweight. They have tried to get her to lose weight by paying her! We have no relationship with these kids, but have visited and observed this over the years, as have my own children. So BIL called us at 1:30 in the morning to tell us the news and since then, it's been "woe is me, this is the worst thing that's happened to me, my life has changed, guess I have to see work differently, etc." But, it's not being said as an "epiphany," more like I can't control this, poor me. He does not mention anything about how his wife feels, or even how the daughter feels, except to say that she stated "now I understand why it was mean to make fun of the kid with a diabetes pump." We have asked constantly about how everyone is doing, with DH gently suggesting that he has to "man up," that he's the dad and he has to be attuned to both the medical needs AND the psychological needs of all. It's fallen on deaf ears. Instead, he started a chat group for people with the disease, which of course HE gets lots of kudos for, from others.
Today, we got a request for money to defray expenses for the transplant, for "what insurance doesn't cover." It's on some web site for "giving" for such things. I find this extremely crass, but I *guess* it's acceptable practice? Is this my flinty New Englander coming out? DH and I decided to give a little more than we would for a Bar Mitzvah, etc., but we both are worried that the money will be spent on a new car. We are the only ones in the family that will give, for sure.
As I said, just venting, but I find the whole thing very disturbing.

[OakLeaf]

It's very common in my area to pass a public hat for medical expenses (and living expenses while a family member is undergoing treatment). Even if they have the best insurance, they're likely to be tens of thousands of dollars out of pocket. People put their stories in the newspaper and establish a trust account with a local bank, put collection jars in local stores, and/or hold a meal or concert or raffle to raise money.

You might suggest that he establish such a trust account if this website isn't an actual trust. When it's intended to be short-term and produce a minimal amount of income, he should be able to do it directly with the bank for minimal to no cost, or perhaps with his local community foundation. Perhaps being a trustee would make him wiser with the money; if nothing else, it would mean that contributions are tax-deductible.

It's my experience also that "you're sick, poor me" is an extremely common response. Not that it's ever appropriate, and from your description he's taking it to an extreme. But it's one of the reasons I'm more likely to vent about my own health issues here on TE, than with people I actually know. It's hard enough taking care of myself when I'm injured or in the midst of a serious health scare, I don't have enough left to have to take care of the emotional needs that friends, spouse, etc. incur because I'm injured or whatever.

[bmccasland]

Crankin, in addition to what OakLeaf said, I would continue to ask about how the kids are doing in coversations with that family. Yes BIL has feelings, but what is actually happening is to the girls, gifting bone marrow is not like donating blood, and the child with leukemia needs all the support she can get.

Also, is there a way to encourage the sister who's donating (and with the weight problem) to be more active as she recovers from the bone marrow donation? Getting her into healthy activities would help with her weight as well as dealing with personal issues and that her sister is sick (sick kid will get more attention than other kids).