The way you describe your issues sounds EXACTLY like what I've gone through. The best saddle I've found is the Bontrager InForm Affinity RL. I wish it were a bit more T-shaped, but I can deal with sore inner thighs after long rides...I can't deal with chafed, pinched, numb, bleeding labia.

Keeping the hair at a minimum also helps greatly. If laser hair removal worked well on blonde hair I'd happily spring to have it gone. Once it gets much longer than 1/8" I start having some chafing woes.