Shooting Star, I think the issue you raised about money, etc. differs widely in different relationships. DH and I have always had a joint account and for any big purchases we made that benefit us as individuals, we would confer, especially in the beginning of our marriage, when we didn't have a lot of money. We used to have this joke, "How many Liz Claiborne dresses is that worth?" It dates from the '80s, but you get my drift. At that time, DH and I had very different interests and I never really understood how much $ it took to properly run and keep a house in excellent condition.
33 years later, it's quite different. Before I quit teaching, I was making very high 5 figures. I generally didn't discuss any purchases for myself, because I knew we could afford it. When I quit working and was in school, it was quite an adjustment. It was the first time in my life that i didn't work. I started discussing my purchases a bit more, and my DH does, too. I call him Ismelda, as he has quite a shoe buying habit. I never question any bike purchases...
There were times in the 80s I did hide some clothing purchases from DH, but the bills always came and we paid them, no questions asked.
Now that I am working again, we are kind of in the middle somewhere, as I make about 1/2 of what I was making before. We can afford to live quite well without my income, but I still think it is fair to discuss certain things. I don't feel like I have to "ask permission," it's just part of being a partnership, in deciding how we are going to spend our money.