Obesity and addiction

[OakLeaf]

Really good article about learning healthy eating and identifying food issues on the family level. If they enlisted any professional help, they don't mention it in the story.

With the caveat that I haven't read the book in decades, the old classic Fat is a Feminist Issue was a huge revelation to me when I first read it. It's body image positive but also identifies some of the many issues that keep people fat when they don't want to be.

[limewave]

Skip, good question.

Growing up overweight and eventually becoming morbidly obese, I am very sensitive about the family meal.

My husband works late every night. I had tried making a traditional meal (meat, potato, pastas, bread, casseroles, etc) for the kids, but they are picky and won't eat it. I was afraid to eat most of what I made myself because if I started eating pasta I knew I wouldn't be able to stop. It was a mess. The "family dinner" caused a lot of anxiety and I would end up binging. DH would come home from work at 10 PM and "not feel like a big meal" and eat 3 bowls of cereal instead.

I've come up with a solution that works for us. We don't sit down for a family dinner. However, the kids are involved with meal planning. Each week the kids plan a dinner: they choose 2 vegetables (1 green and 1 colorful), a main dish, and a dessert (fruit parfaits, apple slices and cinnamon). It's not unusual for the kids dinner to be what we call "the mix:" assortment of fresh cut veggies, fresh cut fruit, a TB of a natural PB for dipping, and a few small slices of cheese. Sometimes they even pick a "Big Salad" for dinner

This works well for me too as I tend to eat a big breakfast but like a light dinner--a salad, bowl of soup, etc. I make certain things for DH and package them in single servings stored in the freezer. Sometimes I'll grill for him at night, but we keep it simple. There's always a salad and fresh cut veggies in the fridge--everyone is eating better.

Dinner isn't the main event in our family. We "refuel and nourish" our bodies so we can go play! Every night after dinner we do a family activity: biking, soccer, walks, playground, games, etc. That's how we get in our quality time.

Extended family meals are an entirely different story . . . I hate them. If I bring my own healthy alternatives I get judgmental looks and comments. I can't stand being around a spread of food all day, its too tempting. I just have to get through the day . . .

[Crankin]

The family dinner worked well for my family, both when I was a kid and when my own kids were growing up. My dad and my DH both travelled during the week, when I was young and when my kids were in younger. So, the situation was similar in that the "whole" family was not often there for dinner during the week. I did exactly what my mom did: we had sit down dinners every night, no different than if my DH had been there. We ate in a healthy way, even then, compared to other families, though not quite as much as now. We never had fried food in the house, ate a lot of chicken and fish, and the kids always ate breakfast. We did have desserts, but I just stayed away from that, most of the time. If I felt like going out to eat, I took the kids, especially as they got older. We did go to fast food places at times, but it was always a treat, not a replacement for dinner on most nights. I always felt that they needed to be exposed to all kinds of food and restaurants. Both of them are serious foodies as adults and both enjoy cooking.
One of the reasons I hated the few years my kids were doing youth baseball is that it interfered with our family dinner time. I did not like having to eat at 8 PM when they were younger, nor did I want to feed my kids hot dogs in the car, as my friends did. Well, this issue resolved itself when DS #2 decided he hated baseball. Once he got into cycling, the emphasis was on healthy eating, all around.
Food has always been important in my life, in my family, etc, but not in an unhealthy way. My mom was very health conscious for someone of her generation and was a fabulous cook. My brother is also a great cook and he just bought his first home and is heavily into growing his own veggies in his garden.

[goldfinch]

Family meals growing up were around the table and was a wonderful family time. We would talk and talk. We would make up stories, often going around the table, each person adding to the story. Fun times!

The food was typical 1950-60s fare. Meat, potatoes and overcooked vegetables. Food wasn't the important part and I don't recall anyone wolfing down their food.

I became obese, as did my sisters. My brother is skinny. He has the worst eating habits as far as quality of food choices (He is autistic and would eat the same thing day in an day out if given the chance. He won't eat vegetables or fruit.)

[Skip]

Thanks, lph! ::waves::

Thank you for the article link, Oakleaf, I enjoyed reading it. The book looks pretty interesting too, I will have to look for it next time I'm at the library!

I really like the idea of re-starting one's relationship with food in general, instead of just following the "is it healthy" route. One of the concerns I had when I started tracking what I ate was that I would eventually get caught up in number-crunching the calories of each meal instead of focusing on what the types of food I eat does for my body. I'm sure many people don't always realize what their bodies are capable of, especially when they are properly fuelled. And cycling is certainly one of the best ways to reverse that!

Thank you for the answers, limewave, Crankin, and goldfinch. I think it's great to see the differences in how meals and family-time are viewed because I don't think it's something a lot of people consciously think of. Like in the article Oakleaf linked to, I like how your families are involved in the process of the meal, not just eating it. I think it says a lot to see how you all try and establish a good mentality towards food for your family.

Jezbael, when I was cleaning houses I dropped about 15 pounds (from an already healthy weight) in a very short amount of time and I was starving all the time. I wasn't comfortable at all unless I was being active or eating. After quitting that job, I knew I was going to gain some weight back, but it still felt very uncomfortable when that happened and it's very hard to try an unsee what I was like even though I'm at the same weight from when I started cleaning houses.

[Serendipity]

Occasional poster here! This is an amazing thread with so many thought-provoking comments.

As a person that, at 54, has been challenged for many years to maintain a healthy weight/lifestyle with varying degrees of success, I continue to be baffled by a couple of things:
- food seems to be the only addiction that others (friends, relatives, even strangers) feel free to judge and comment on. Rarely do I hear comments about smokers, people’s consumption of alcohol or drugs, but it seems okay to comment/judge perceived overeating or unhealthy eating – much like limewave’s earlier comments.
- It’s the only addiction that one has to learn to live with in the sense that you have to continue eating. For example, I quit smoking many years ago. While it was difficult, the situation was straightforward – I quit or I didn’t – I didn’t have to figure out how to have one or two cigarettes and not go off the deep end. While I’m not suggesting that living with any addiction is easy, with food obviously you have to continue to eat to survive. It is a never-ending challenge to satisfy that need without succumbing to cravings, temptation, etc. etc.

Food for thought (pun intended).

[Pax]

Wonderful thread!!

A few thoughts to share: I grew up in a household with parents who had lived through the depression, and a military father who had served in many Asian countries where he "saw children eating out of trash cans and starving in gutters". This translated to the "clean plate club" mentality at our dinner table where you were required to finish the food on your plate regardless of appetite. This was never an issue when we were kids as we were intensely active.

It wasn't until I was injured as a firefighter that I started to put on weight, I kept "cleaning my plate" but wasn't active enough to burn off all the excess calories. Going from extreme activity to sedentary overnight wreaked havoc on my metabolism, and additionally to help alleviate the disappointment of losing my career, I ate. This started a pattern for my 30's and 40's, gaining and losing the same few pounds, considering myself fat but fit (excellent BP, heart rate, cholesterol, etc.), but never comfortable in my own skin.

Now, at age 51, I seem to have hit upon a workable way to drop weight. Looking forward to getting to a point where I'm finally comfortable in my (now somewhat saggy) skin.

[katluvr]

So I admit I read MOST but not all of the posts or even did that "scanning" of some posts, but this thread interested me like others...

So almost 8 years ago I was 140 pounds...but I stand only 4'10". My partner was over 200. We started cycling and did weight watchers. We both lost "most" of the weight we wanted to. I struggled with the last 5-10 pound and then over time have gained a bit more. So I still struggle with 10 or more pounds to lose. My partner has gained back almost all.

So I still run (as you know from the running thread), I still cycle...but I know I can do the "distance" so my training is ALWAYS sporadic. Almost 2 years ago I became a vegetarian. Partly for health, mostly for the animals. (I always wanted to be a vegetarian but I really was a steak eater!).

My struggles:
I like (LOVE) food.
I like (LOVE) the social aspect of food...eating out with friends
I still struggle with creating a healthy diet without meat/poultry/fish and not "carb out"
I am too tired at the end of the day to fix food
I get bored with the same thing
It's easier to pick up something
I LOVE beer and wine
I HATE doing weight training
I am too tired after work to exercise (and would rather have a glass of wine)

I know these sound like excuses and there are answers/solutions to all the above.
I also know I have done more than many women my age: cycling trips, century rides, 1/2 marathons, a full marathon...but I still struggle with nutrition and weight AND consistent training. And anyone that knows me would not consider me inactive or lazy....but I always thought is I wrote a book the title would be "Inside this athlete is a couch potato trying to take over". That is how I feel.
I DON'T want to work this hard to get fit, stay fit and lose weight. Thus I am still struggling. I think there is part of me that just doesn't want to work that hard at it, thus the list of reasons (or obstacles or excuses) listed above.

(BTW, I am built JUST like my grandmother, very short, stocky/chunky and the tiniest shoe size!)

K

[thekarens]

I am 42, 5'3 and currently weigh 153. 6 months ago I weighed 200 lbs. My two biggest problems is that food has always been a "reward" for me. If we're celebrating it involved food. If I needed comfort it involved food.......etc etc. You ge the picture. The other big issue for me is I am naturally a couch potato. I hate mornings, love late nights and all of my passions involve sedentary activities, books, tech...........

Now my partner is someone who is very active, but since we've been together 12 years she had put on quite a few pounds herself. In the last 6 months she's dropped down to 130lb (she's 5'4) and I'm still plugging away. I was very dilligent for 6 months on going to the gym, but I've gotten bored stiff, which is what lead me into researching bikes. I do love the outdoors and nature. We're big time into birding, so I thought a bike might kick start my interest with the combo of nature and exercise.

I do still struggle with wanting to use food as a reward/comfort. I imagine I always will. For me it's a daily decision on what I want more, health or fitness.

[goldfinch]

So I admit I read MOST but not all of the posts or even did that "scanning" of some posts, but this thread interested me like others...

So almost 8 years ago I was 140 pounds...but I stand only 4'10". My partner was over 200. We started cycling and did weight watchers. We both lost "most" of the weight we wanted to. I struggled with the last 5-10 pound and then over time have gained a bit more. So I still struggle with 10 or more pounds to lose. My partner has gained back almost all.

So I still run (as you know from the running thread), I still cycle...but I know I can do the "distance" so my training is ALWAYS sporadic. Almost 2 years ago I became a vegetarian. Partly for health, mostly for the animals. (I always wanted to be a vegetarian but I really was a steak eater!).

My struggles:
I like (LOVE) food.
I like (LOVE) the social aspect of food...eating out with friends
I still struggle with creating a healthy diet without meat/poultry/fish and not "carb out"
I am too tired at the end of the day to fix food
I get bored with the same thing
It's easier to pick up something
I LOVE beer and wine
I HATE doing weight training
I am too tired after work to exercise (and would rather have a glass of wine)

I know these sound like excuses and there are answers/solutions to all the above.
I also know I have done more than many women my age: cycling trips, century rides, 1/2 marathons, a full marathon...but I still struggle with nutrition and weight AND consistent training. And anyone that knows me would not consider me inactive or lazy....but I always thought is I wrote a book the title would be "Inside this athlete is a couch potato trying to take over". That is how I feel.
I DON'T want to work this hard to get fit, stay fit and lose weight. Thus I am still struggling. I think there is part of me that just doesn't want to work that hard at it, thus the list of reasons (or obstacles or excuses) listed above.

(BTW, I am built JUST like my grandmother, very short, stocky/chunky and the tiniest shoe size!)



K

You are my size!

So, is the 10 pounds that significant? Are you healthy? Could it be that you are beating yourself up too much?

[shootingstar]

Have to congratulate those who lost a significant amount of weight...and most of us who still have our little alert inner button on monitoring our daily food intake.

I haven't yet tracked on a daily basis what I eat..but I do think about vaguely each day what I do eat. It doesn't mean it's right though. I wish I didn't have to think about it even in a lazy way, but the reality is that even healthy to semi-healthy daily eating does mean thinking a bit about how a meal tastes, how it looks (portion wise, what it is), and when to eat.

The best ways for me not to go crazy is:
*Never stock sugar, white rice, candies, cookies, chips at home in the pantry.
*Eat before 7:00 pm ( I used to eat past 8:00 pm just bad. I ate less but I GAINED weight.)
*Stock fridge with a wide variety of fresh fruits (at least 2-3 different types) and veggies. Always. This is a challenge during very cold winter weeks.
*Don't buy any processed, tv dinners. (Not hard for me, since I grew up in a family where we couldn't afford to buy them.)

I went to my lst bbq when I saw my family....who haven't seen me for 12 months. Ate hamburgers only 3 times in the past 3 months. And all of this at social functions outside of home. I probably won't eat a hamburger until 8 months later. We've never been interested in preparing hamburgers at home.

But yes, I love perogies, sausage....(gourmet stuff or bratwurst) at times.

[katluvr]

You are my size!

So, is the 10 pounds that significant? Are you healthy? Could it be that you are beating yourself up too much?

No, my BMI is on the "high end" and went clothes shopping yesterday, mirrors don't lie. I am UP a few pounds and clothes are tight. I can/will make some changes.

I guess my point is MOSTLY I know what I need to do. I also DO more than some (exercise and try to eat healthy). Just acknowledging it is HARD and that am am the way am I partly due to genetics/body type but also because of my choices. Like most/some people I would love for it to be "easy" or find the one "pill" or one "thing" that fixes (simplifies) it all.

So what I think I really need is a in home personal chef and trainer!
(and personal shopper and house cleaner, etc)

[Dogmama]

The best ways for me not to go crazy is:
*Never stock sugar, white rice, candies, cookies, chips at home in the pantry.
*Eat before 7:00 pm ( I used to eat past 8:00 pm just bad. I ate less but I GAINED weight.)
*Stock fridge with a wide variety of fresh fruits (at least 2-3 different types) and veggies. Always. This is a challenge during very cold winter weeks.
*Don't buy any processed, tv dinners. (Not hard for me, since I grew up in a family where we couldn't afford to buy them.)

I think those are great suggestions. If it isn't in the house, it won't end up in your mouth!

Processed foods, even Luna bars, etc., are weight gainers for me. Even if the calorie count for the day is the same (I'm guessing because I don't count) - those seem to add weight. I do NOT believe that a calorie is a calorie.

[indigoiis]

I think - and this is just a theory - that esp. those who get into cycling as adults (or running, or some other sport that shows such extreme & immediate improvement in health within a couple of years) that we are the TYPES who tend to be all-or-nothings, in-or-outs (as in, "I'm IN"), and like to set big goals and accomplish big things. I notice on this board that we are all pretty much achievement oriented.

Which is why I think it is easy to focus only on big gains or losses and forget about the little victories, the little good things that happen, that happen only in balance when we are doing something we love.

The body is not an exact science. I am one of those women who, as I age, pack on the saddlebags, eat like a horse, and then obsess about it. But I really think we need to think about food differently. We need to be mindful, but we also need to remember the joy in a great meal or a loaf of baked bread or that beer after a ride (I'm not a drinker, but I know what that is - that relief of cool goodness...) I think if we think creatively rather than critically about our bodies we might find we're pretty okay. It gets us where we want to go. We can move these bikes and stand up occasionally and attack a hill. I mean, come on. That's pretty awesome. It sucks that culturally we are so brainwashed about food and weight (I admit I am very bad about snap judgements when it comes to obesity) and if only we could brainwash ourselves into thinking about our bodies as really amazing, maybe some of our food issues would disappear. Maybe.

Our body is always sending messages because it's smart. I know I misinterpret those messages all the time (hunger vs. thirst, vs. loneliness/frustration/boredom/OCD... whatever.)

[lph]

(...) I notice on this board that we are all pretty much achievement oriented.
(...)

We need to be mindful, but we also need to remember the joy in a great meal or a loaf of baked bread or that beer after a ride

I like your theory, and I loved this!