Quote Originally Posted by Susan Otcenas View Post
The truth is, I've been dreading Canada (or more correctly, I've been dreading swimming 2.4 miles in the middle of 2500 people). DREAD! That's not the emotion one should have when thinking about a big event. Where's the fun in that?

It's ok. Really. I'm sad, but I'm also relieved it's over. I'm going to spend the rest of my summer having fun.

I'm not giving up on triathlon. (I'm already signed up for Lavaman in Hawaii in March!! ) I love the sport. But I don't like what it's become for me this year. As if I didn't already have HUGE respect for the amazing women on this forum and in my life who have done one (or many!) Ironman races, that respect and admiration has only increased through this experience. The mental strength and tenacity it takes to train & compete, and the personal sacrifices that are made in pursuing the goal....I'm just in awe.
Knowing the difference between dread and nervous anxiety is huge, it can be really subtle, and you might not actually know until AFTER you get to the point you need to test it. Nobody enjoys being in the position to pull out from a race, it's an incredibly difficult thought process. In the end, if you break it down and there are far more reasons NOT to do something than there are reasons to do it, it's an easy logical decision, but still a difficult emotional decision. It's entirely possible you could have had an awesome swim and still looked back on that experience and said twice that far just wasn't worth it.

6 weeks would have been a long time to push through. It's not about whether you COULD have done it (we all know you could have), but you made the decision that it wasn't worth it. If it's not fun, the reward of racing isn't a reward after all.

The reality is, if you decide you want to go after it again, it'll always be there, and you've got PLENTY of other opportunities to challenge yourself and still have fun doing it. It will be nice for swimming, riding, running, and training/racing in general to be fun again.

Congratulations on your decision, as weird as that sounds