It can take months or years for the right time to roll around? To have a conversation about a bike? Something is just not adding up for me here. I'm sorry, but after everything you've shared I cannot help but conclude that there are some control issues going on or some kind of power imbalance. I'm sorry if I'm reading to much into it, but this seems like an awful lot of drama and angst for just a bike.
Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Continue to learn. Appreciate your friends. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is.
--Mary Anne Radmacher