Bike Lust is straining my (human) relationship

[Crankin]

Ha, Eoffelis, you and your BF sound like my house...

[lph]

Indysteel made some very good points, as did many others. I grew up in a household with a lot of "anti-consumerism-attitude", and recognize some of the thinking. I think it is important to acknowledge that a new bike strictly speaking never is a need, only a want. It's because you want to have a lighter or faster or better bike, or you want to take up another style of biking. There's nothing wrong with that, but it's still all a hobby we're talking about. This comes from someone with four bikes, btw, but only one of them bought new.

I don't know how much the anticonsumerism thing is bugging your dh, but you could try a few general discussions to sound out the terrain. It won't necessarily give you hard answers (my dh just gets confused when I try stuff like this ) but it can help to arrange your thoughts. Discuss how much time you feel it's ok for either of you to spend away from the other doing your own hobby, and be as specific as you can. Discuss how you would feel if the other one has a hobby you disapprove of, for some reason. (As in, I'd be upset for environmental reasons if my dh wanted to take up motor sports.) Discuss how much money you feel it's ok for the other one to spend on his/her own things. Maybe a separate account purely for ego-stuff is a good idea. How would this use of money affect joint spending or purchases? Try discussing the difference between feeling that something is unnecessary, and expressing disapproval. Try avoiding discussing bikes in particular, because it truly isn't particularly relevant.

I agree that it sounds a little like he's reacting to you downvaluing his gift, but if only that is the case he should be receptive to you affirming, as truthfully and warmly as possible, that you loved the gift, you would never part with it for sentimental reasons, and it's helped you discover this wonderful hobby that you love. Normally a gift from several years back shouldn't have that level of importance attached to it, not unless he broke the bank to give you the gift of a lifetime. It sounds a little more as if he disapproves on a general basis, and you owe to him to try to understand why. If he can't or won't express why, or can't show how it relates to something that is important to your relationship, you're in your full right to just smile and go on with it. He can't expect you to be a mind-reader, or to adjust to his wishes no matter what. But you can't necessarily expect him to be supportive either.

[hebe]

Good luck with sorting this. It is your money, that you earned, and you are not neglecting your contribution to the family finances so personally I'd be tempted to follow Muirenn's excellent suggestion of "Honey. I've decided to get a new bike".

I'm shortly going to sell the very first bike I had, that my husband bought for me, and he has been nothing but supportive as it was a First Bike, bought for me to learn on and to see if I liked cycling (I do). Whenever I worry about spending money on bikes I consider how much I used to spend on gym membership - about the cost of 1 bike every year - and you can't even sell it on second-hand.