N+1 is burning a hole in my pocket!

[Crankin]

I might try talking to her, but really, do what's best for your own mental health and family. I would get the bike and send a small gift... and perhaps suggest a casual family celebration when she gets back. I am betting she doesn't want anyone, except the people who will drink with her, to celebrate. I am another person who thinks weddings are kind of dumb to begin with, so probably not the best person to give advice here.
Of course, I have cut ties with all of my dysfunctional relatives, which includes everyone except my dad and brother.

[breeze]

We had a destination wedding, but invited our close family members (and paid for their trip/lodging), with a big backyard BBQ reception about a month later at home. TBH, this was partly because my brother and his wife were getting married a month after than us, and we knew that all of the out of town relatives wouldn't want to travel more than once. So we planned our backyard BBQ for the day after my brother's wedding, and all of the relatives basically got a 2-for-1 deal that year.

Anyway, point being, when you're planning a destination wedding, you know that most people won't come. We planned it that way. It sounds to me like your sister, perhaps even subconsciously, doesn't intend for any of you to be part of her wedding. Perhaps your brother and other family members will join in for some kind of "welcome home" thing where your sister can show off the Vegas pics and you can all hang out.

[zoom-zoom]

Perhaps your brother and other family members will join in for some kind of "welcome home" thing where your sister can show off the Vegas pics and you can all hang out.

And, really, that would be ideal, since she's getting married <2 weeks before Christmas. We could always plan to combine something like that with a family Christmas get-together weekend, or something to that effect.

[Penny4]

If you go to the wedding, how long would it take you to save up for the bike?

When were you planning to buy the bike (assuming no wedding to go to)?

Just wondering if there is a way to accommodate both, even if you have to delay the bike a bit. Is it possible to shave any time off the trip (i know, this is hard b/c you prob have to travel day before, day after, etc). Can you share a room with someone?

Do you think your sister really wants you there? Forget about the backlash she might give you for not going, but do you think deep down in her heart, she wants you there?

It's a hard decision...families are tricky business, for sure....

[zoom-zoom]

If you go to the wedding, how long would it take you to save up for the bike?

When were you planning to buy the bike (assuming no wedding to go to)?

Just wondering if there is a way to accommodate both, even if you have to delay the bike a bit. Is it possible to shave any time off the trip (i know, this is hard b/c you prob have to travel day before, day after, etc). Can you share a room with someone?

Do you think your sister really wants you there? Forget about the backlash she might give you for not going, but do you think deep down in her heart, she wants you there?

It's a hard decision...families are tricky business, for sure....

It's really hard to say if she wants me there, or not. She's long been all about what can she get for free from family...lodging, childcare, birthday/Christmas/Mother's Day presents--all without ever reciprocating (in the case of holiday gifts she frequently buys stuff the day of the holiday and doesn't even bother wrapping...little-to-no thought/effort goes into gifts from my sister. She thinks it's down-right hilarious, of course). I'm sure there's part of her that does want me there, but there's a part of me that wonders what strings are attached. She is also the one who ALWAYS starts family drama. There was one occasion when we were all together--except for her--and we all independently came to the realization that it was the first time that everyone got along perfectly well and had a fabulous time--because she wasn't pitting anyone against anyone else. Ever since then we've all been sort of on-guard to her shenanigans.

Rooming with someone else isn't the big expense. I can get a nice room on the strip for $40/night. The flight, food, and other transportation around Vegas are what get a person. Vegas is ridiculous--they don't even have coffee makers or mini-fridges in the rooms, so there is no way to cut costs by eating leftovers or brewing coffee in-room. It's all Starbucks, all the time. A single person could easily expect to pay $40-50/day in food costs. Insane.

We'd been talking bike this Summer...maybe waiting to see what the 2013 models look like, if our LBS buddy can direct us on whether or not to pull the trigger in the next month or so or wait for late Summer/early Fall. With the wedding related expenses we'd probably have to wait until next year, which means no good way to go mountain biking with the rugrat for another year, even though he's ready now and he and I are probably not all that different in terms of ability (in large part because he's sorta fearless and surprisingly agile on the bike).

[zoom-zoom]

Well, this gets interesting. I just talked to my mom, mostly to find out what my brother's plans are, since I've messaged him a few times on FB about the possibility of planning flights so that I could be on the plane with him and his GF from Chicago to LV, and then back (a lot of flights out of Grand Rapids do their stop at O'Hare). He never replied, so I thought maybe he was just not seeing my messages.

Apparently he and his GF are not planning to go. The wedding is on a Weds. and he has a new job, so there is really no way that he can get away, per my mom.

So...now my only real incentive to go (hanging out with them, instead of the drunken miscreants) is gone. At this point my only incentive to go would be out of guilt/obligation, since there is now no one but me from our family able to go. To spend $1000+ for 3-4 days traveling alone and hanging out with my sister and her annoying friends...nuh, don't want to go there. And the Vegas Strip as a lone female just sounds really unwise, to begin with.

[smittykitty]

New Bike! No Guilt!!!!!! Move on. Problem Solved.


(Wish is was that easy)

[zoom-zoom]

I am another person who thinks weddings are kind of dumb to begin with, so probably not the best person to give advice here.

My DH and I totally agree. We spent about $8k almost 16 years ago, which was way cheap by mid-90s standards. Half of that was on photographer and honeymoon, which is where our priorities were, but in hindsight we wish we'd taken that same money and been married by a friend outdoors, then had a BBQ reception and a really amazing, long, foreign honeymoon (I mean, aside from Canada, which never feels very foreign from MI) or put a bigger downpayment on a house. The whole dress/church thing was more for our grandparents and family than for us. But they all could have been happy with a casual wedding/reception, too.

Thanks for all the great advice, ladies. You've really given me a lot of food for thought. I need to discuss this more with my DH, since he has known my sister since she was 9 and has a very good handle on the family dynamics, but can still be reasonably objective.