Quote Originally Posted by indysteel View Post
Have you considered the possiblity that she really doesn't want her family there? For all your angst, maybe this was a calculated move on her part. It doesn't sound like you have the happiest of clans. If she does want you there, then I would really give some careful thought to what it will say and mean to her if you don't go. If you truly can't afford it, that's one thing and it's a perfectly valid reason to skip it. But I'd try to look past your other reasons for not wanting to go to see what you might preserve and/or gain by going and what you might lose if you don't.

I am generally an anti-wedding person (I eloped) and I'm estranged from my own dysfunctional siblings, but even I can admit that sometimes you suck it up for the greater good when it comes to weddings and that they are legitimately something we should ideally celebrate with friends and family. It sounds like you do love your sister and her children and genuinely like her fiancee. I have to wonder whether you'll end up regretting it if you don't go (again, assuming you can afford it).
This is where it becomes tricky. While we do not have a "bad" relationship, per se, we're not really close. My brother and I are definitely MUCH closer. My sister is not really fond of our mom, even after the sacrifices my parents have made and continue to make for her, so I don't think it really even upsets her that our parents are unable to go. The thing that is weird is that her best friend cannot go and that wasn't enough to give her pause. My sister has it in her head that she wants a tacky Vegas wedding, even if it means that very few of her friends and family can go. Her vision of her "perfect" wedding has overridden practicality.

I think I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. If I go I will be irritated by her likely behavior and the amount of money being spent that could be better spent on a family trip for my DH, DS and I. If I don't go I will feel like a heel, especially in light of the fact that it's possible that I am the only family member who can attend.