N+1 is burning a hole in my pocket!

[smilingcat]

If the sister wants to do the Vegas wedding to the hilt, she should do the Elvis at the drive through wedding. That'll be cheaper without getting all the family involved.

Maybe, you can talk her into the drive through if only few can make it. And have a reception back home where everyone can get together.

And hope that she comes to her senses. Idea of Elvis and drive through may be enough to convince her that Vegas wedding isn't a great idea. I just don't see any appeal of Vegas.

Yup you can't choose your familia!

[zoom-zoom]

I just don't see any appeal of Vegas.

Yup you can't choose your familia!

Ain't that the truth!

I liked my first trip to Vegas with DH for our anniversary a few years back--it's fun to see any new place for the first time. It was fun the next time I went, a year later, with a group of runner friends to run the marathon. Last Fall we were there for a couple of nights after our JDRF ride in Death Valley and we stayed in "old" downtown Vegas and I really preferred that. Less crowded, less smoke, cheaper costs for everything. We ventured onto the strip one night and it just annoyed me, by that point.

Really, after a few trips to Vegas it no longer holds any real appeal. Too many people, WAY too much smoke (my asthma really kicks into high gear in that place), too much hassle getting around.

[Blueberry]

Get the bike and don't go. Maybe your folks can offer to throw a "welcome home" party for them (nothing fancy - just a chance to get together and share some snacks). That way you're still supporting her and the marriage, without spending a boat load of money.

I don't see why you should sacrifice to enable what appears to be a fiasco in the making. (Of course, I've been called grumpy in these situations. We went to the last one with the BIL at DH's insistence. It was as bad as I feared. I hope the lesson has been learned - but I doubt it.)

ETA: On further reflection, maybe separate the bike from the decision to go. Would you not want to go anyway? Then don't go. What you do with the extra money is up to you. I wouldn't look at it as an if, then proposition (nor would I share that with your family).

[zoom-zoom]

If my sister weren't a raving lunatic I would simply opt not to go...but here's the thing: if I don't go she will become VERY belligerent and vengeful. She has been like this since she was a teenager. She's been known to tell lies about people when it suits her. Years ago she was caught sneaking out of the house. She threw me under the bus, then; telling our folks that I did the same thing as a teen (I didn't, not even once. She, on the other hand, hung out with huffers and got nailed for underage drinking at least twice, then flunked out of community college...got knocked-up when she was 20, then again <2 years later). I shudder to think what she would do if I decided not to attend her wedding. The sad thing is that of everyone in her immediate family and friends, I am the one most financially able to attend and stand up. She thrives on drama and would make a ton of it if I bailed, I'm afraid.

[zoom-zoom]

It would be easier if I didn't 100% support the marriage, but I do. Her fiance is a great guy. Not perfect, but perfect for her and the only real father her boys have ever known.

[ny biker]

I'm with Smitty Kitty on this one. Whether you get the bike or not.

To review: you're talking about spending lots of cash and having a miserable time in order to keep a self-centered manipulative person from having a hissy fit.

[zoom-zoom]

To review: you're talking about spending lots of cash and having a miserable time in order to keep a self-centered manipulative person from having a hissy fit.

Pretty much. At almost 40 I really don't feel much like doing that.

[ny biker]

ETA: On further reflection, maybe separate the bike from the decision to go. Would you not want to go anyway? Then don't go. What you do with the extra money is up to you. I wouldn't look at it as an if, then proposition (nor would I share that with your family).

Yeah, there are two issues here. The bigger one is that your sister is not a raving lunatic, she's a manipulator. If she didn't have kids I'd say you'd probably be better off keeping your distance from her.

[zoom-zoom]

Yeah, there are two issues here. The bigger one is that your sister is not a raving lunatic, she's a manipulator. If she didn't have kids I'd say you'd probably be better off keeping your distance from her.

Yeah, that's pretty much spot-on. The only thing we really have in common is having boys of about the same age. We live about 8 hours apart. Even if we lived closer we'd likely not socialize much.

It's only in the last couple of years that my folks have admitted that they enabled her behavior for many years. There was a period of at least a year when I didn't talk to anyone in my family, aside from my brother. I went to visit my mom and sister for my sister's first Mother's day. It was a nightmare and I ended up driving home on Mother's Day, after spending a night in a hotel with my toddler son. When I arrived at my sister's home it was in shambles (beds totally unmade, stuff all over the floor, no childproofing done, no food in the house after I drove all that way with little kid who needed to eat). My sister was completely obnoxious when we were out with our boys...saying to people "my baby's cuter, isn't he?" Totally awkward. Her little guy was crying several times in the night and I was the one who got up to care for him the first night. Her excuse was that she thought it was my son crying (seriously, my son was 14 months and hers was 7 months--their cries sounded NOTHING alike).

After all of that my mom blamed me...saying that I was too inflexible. Hence the not talking to my 'rents or sister for so long. My sister got knocked-up with baby #2 while living under my parents' roof. They financially supported her and the boys for a couple of years and blew a lot of what little retirement savings they had. And then my mom lost her job a year ago.

She's matured a LOT since then, but compared to most women in their early 30s she still behaves like a petulant child. I'm really thankful that a Great Lake separates us. I'm still hoping that she will change her wedding plans between now and Dec.

[Crankin]

Your sister needs to see a mental health professional.
Seriously, this is a pattern, diagnosable.
I would be very worried about her kids.

[zoom-zoom]

Your sister needs to see a mental health professional.
Seriously, this is a pattern, diagnosable.
I would be very worried about her kids.

She's a surprisingly good mom, all things considered. Her youngest's autism diagnosis was a blessing in disguise--she had to suddenly start behaving herself when it became clear that he was struggling. She met her fiance around the same time and he's a very good guy (we joke that he's a "lite" version of my DH). It's the rest of her family who ends up receiving the brunt of her bad behavior.

[Veronica]

I think you should get the bike - not for your sake, but for your son's. The two of you could create so many great memories. I think that's more important than making your idiot sister happy. She just sounds so incredibly selfish - a destination wedding that no one in the family can comfortably afford, just so she can stay drunk for days on end... words fail me.

Veronica

[zoom-zoom]

I think you should get the bike - not for your sake, but for your son's. The two of you could create so many great memories. I think that's more important than making your idiot sister happy. She just sounds so incredibly selfish - a destination wedding that no one in the family can comfortably afford, just so she can stay drunk for days on end... words fail me.

Veronica

Yeah, that's pretty much my thinking, too.

I think I need to talk this over with my mom. Even if money were no object for her or for us the whole thing makes me really uncomfortable. It's rather bridezilla-ish to plan a wedding that is a major inconvenience for everyone, but the couple. Especially when her sons will be 10 and 11.5 and won't get to see their mom and "dad" marry. At best it's weird.

[indysteel]

ETA: On further reflection, maybe separate the bike from the decision to go. Would you not want to go anyway? Then don't go. What you do with the extra money is up to you. I wouldn't look at it as an if, then proposition (nor would I share that with your family).

This^^^^.