"Chicked"

[limewave]

I didn't realize it was a road term too, but makes sense. I don't do group road rides anymore so I'm kind of out of the loop.

I think I am a bit sensitive to this because of a more personal reason. DH, when we first met, really wanted a partner he could ride MTB with. And then I finally got a little stronger and lost a bit of weight and I could suddenly hold my own. I don't want to bash DH, because he is a great guy and partner in almost every aspect. However, my mtbing, I can tell, bothers him! I can see he struggles with this. He knows he's being a jerk about it, but can't stop himself. He's just not supportive of it anymore and he's resentful

It's really taking a toll on me. This season has been tough. I'm not all that motivated to go out and train because I know it bothers DH when I do well. I've also put on a bit of weight.

I keep telling myself this is DH's issue. I shouldn't let him hold me back. but it's tough! I don't want to create a wedge between us.

Ugh.

[Veronica]

I keep telling myself this is DH's issue. I shouldn't let him hold me back. but it's tough! I don't want to create a wedge between us.

Ugh.

You're not creating the wedge, he is.

You work hard to get the results you're getting. He needs to get over it, maybe couples counseling?

My DH's response - how could he not be proud of you and supportive?

Veronica

[indysteel]

You're not creating the wedge, he is.

You work hard to get the results you're getting. He needs to get over it, maybe couples counseling?

My DH's response - how could he not be proud of you and supportive?

Veronica

This. I don't think the long-term answer to your DH's insecurities is to simply give into them. I agree that counseling could help, but in the meantime, keep doing what you want to do as it relates to fitness and mtbing. Your husband's issue is his issue to fix.

I also strongly recommend Harriet Lerner's The Dance of Anger. It's very helpful in learning how to reapproach a recurring issue or argument in a relationship. I hear Lerner's voice in my head anytime I'm dealing with someone who wants me to feel guilty or responsible for a problem that isn't really my problem to fix.

As for "chicking," I understand the desire to gloat every now and again when passing a man, but it's not the mindset that I what to be in most of the time I'm on the road. But if I guy can't take the comment as something intended to be a bit tongue in cheek, they're taking themselves too seriously.

[shootingstar]

I don't care who passes me: I just want to enjoy my ride and not be forced to walk my bike....but I will walk my bike if there's something I can't accomplish on bike.

So until I joined TE forums, I had never heard of the term "chicked". I don't hang out with any cycling group/friends who train regularily together or compete. So not surprisingly after cycling regularily for last 20 yrs., I am not familiar with certain cycling 'subcultures', particularily on intensive /racing side.

Over the years, my partner tells me, with admiration and respect of other cyclists who may have passed him, male or female. I think it's important for any woman or guy who is an experienced cyclist, that over time they will not be always as strong cycling-wise. It doesn't get easier as you get beyond 50, 60 years old.

Cycling for a long time in your lifetime..requires being patient with oneself as one's physical abilities changes. We just have to enjoy the ride..no matter what speed. And forget about other cyclists around us and their speed.

Oh, yea, my partner..is 69. I would be concerned if he felt his ego was battered, but it's not. Because he was never oriented to be always "better", "faster" than the next guy/gal.

[Owlie]

I really don't have a problem with people passing me, or passing other people (doesn't happen very often), but if they're going to be jerks about it, well...

[limewave]

I really don't have a problem with people passing me, or passing other people (doesn't happen very often), but if they're going to be jerks about it, well...

That's kind of how I feel about it . . . and I race It's more about doing my own ride.

[nuliajuk]

Every once in a while I'll be stopped at a red light or stop sign on the way home and someone - usually male, but not always - will push past me and plonk their bike down right in front of me. Because of course they're going to be faster than some plump grey-haired lady.
Trouble is, they frequently aren't. And I have to find a way to pass them in traffic. Luckily, traffic on my present commuting route isn't heavy, but if they're going to get huffy about it, I remind myself that they asked for it. Same as the people who push off the wall at the same time as me in the pool and "race" me... and then shoot me filthy looks for the rest of the swim session because I had the audacity to swim faster than them and then keep going for 10 more lengths while they gasped for breath at the wall after two.
Moral of the story: never race anyone that your ego can't bear to lose to.

[zoom-zoom]

I didn't realize it was a road term too, but makes sense. I don't do group road rides anymore so I'm kind of out of the loop.

I didn't really realize it was used in the cycling world until recently. Chicking is definitely a concept in running. If a woman passes a guy while wearing a skirt it's sometimes viewed as an even bigger deal.

I'm sorry that your DH is struggling with things. I have to say as a spouse that is sort of in his position that I will be REALLY thankful when Lumberjack is over--not because I really envy my DH's mountain bike abilities (I can't expect to keep up with him--he's been riding for years and is just naturally a really athletic guy--I don't have any natural athletic ability and have crap-fer-lungs on top of it), but because it takes a lot of his time and when he is home is is always super tired. I mean, what healthy 40 year old guy says no to a nekkid wife in his bed?! I really hope he doesn't decide to do it again next year. Between his week+ trip out west for mountain biking and general Lumberjack training I sort of feel like my husband has been hijacked.

We had plans of redoing our upstairs and having it done by Summer. I got one "attic" room done by myself and as much as I could get moved into it. Now the room we want to renovate for DS is still full of DH's boxes of books and crap and I can't get any more done until he tackles that--but he has no time or energy for it. I'm desperate to get this house sellable (as is he, most of the time), but it's taking a backseat to his fun, which really kinda p!sses me off. His little midlife crisis (he turned 40 in Feb.) would have been easier if he'd just gone out and bought a sports car.

[shootingstar]

I think I am a bit sensitive to this because of a more personal reason. DH, when we first met, really wanted a partner he could ride MTB with. And then I finally got a little stronger and lost a bit of weight and I could suddenly hold my own. I don't want to bash DH, because he is a great guy and partner in almost every aspect. However, my mtbing, I can tell, bothers him! I can see he struggles with this. He knows he's being a jerk about it, but can't stop himself. He's just not supportive of it anymore and he's resentful

It's really taking a toll on me. This season has been tough. I'm not all that motivated to go out and train because I know it bothers DH when I do well. I've also put on a bit of weight.

I keep telling myself this is DH's issue. I shouldn't let him hold me back. but it's tough! I don't want to create a wedge between us.

Hope you find a solution with hubby, limewave. But I hope you also have a female, good mtbiking friend to chat about cycling in general. Indy's suggestion "Dance of Anger" is a good book for all sorts of relationships.