"Chicked"

[limewave]

I didn't realize it was a road term too, but makes sense. I don't do group road rides anymore so I'm kind of out of the loop.

I think I am a bit sensitive to this because of a more personal reason. DH, when we first met, really wanted a partner he could ride MTB with. And then I finally got a little stronger and lost a bit of weight and I could suddenly hold my own. I don't want to bash DH, because he is a great guy and partner in almost every aspect. However, my mtbing, I can tell, bothers him! I can see he struggles with this. He knows he's being a jerk about it, but can't stop himself. He's just not supportive of it anymore and he's resentful

It's really taking a toll on me. This season has been tough. I'm not all that motivated to go out and train because I know it bothers DH when I do well. I've also put on a bit of weight.

I keep telling myself this is DH's issue. I shouldn't let him hold me back. but it's tough! I don't want to create a wedge between us.

Ugh.

[Veronica]

I keep telling myself this is DH's issue. I shouldn't let him hold me back. but it's tough! I don't want to create a wedge between us.

Ugh.

You're not creating the wedge, he is.

You work hard to get the results you're getting. He needs to get over it, maybe couples counseling?

My DH's response - how could he not be proud of you and supportive?

Veronica

[indysteel]

You're not creating the wedge, he is.

You work hard to get the results you're getting. He needs to get over it, maybe couples counseling?

My DH's response - how could he not be proud of you and supportive?

Veronica

This. I don't think the long-term answer to your DH's insecurities is to simply give into them. I agree that counseling could help, but in the meantime, keep doing what you want to do as it relates to fitness and mtbing. Your husband's issue is his issue to fix.

I also strongly recommend Harriet Lerner's The Dance of Anger. It's very helpful in learning how to reapproach a recurring issue or argument in a relationship. I hear Lerner's voice in my head anytime I'm dealing with someone who wants me to feel guilty or responsible for a problem that isn't really my problem to fix.

As for "chicking," I understand the desire to gloat every now and again when passing a man, but it's not the mindset that I what to be in most of the time I'm on the road. But if I guy can't take the comment as something intended to be a bit tongue in cheek, they're taking themselves too seriously.

[zoom-zoom]

I didn't realize it was a road term too, but makes sense. I don't do group road rides anymore so I'm kind of out of the loop.

I didn't really realize it was used in the cycling world until recently. Chicking is definitely a concept in running. If a woman passes a guy while wearing a skirt it's sometimes viewed as an even bigger deal.

I'm sorry that your DH is struggling with things. I have to say as a spouse that is sort of in his position that I will be REALLY thankful when Lumberjack is over--not because I really envy my DH's mountain bike abilities (I can't expect to keep up with him--he's been riding for years and is just naturally a really athletic guy--I don't have any natural athletic ability and have crap-fer-lungs on top of it), but because it takes a lot of his time and when he is home is is always super tired. I mean, what healthy 40 year old guy says no to a nekkid wife in his bed?! I really hope he doesn't decide to do it again next year. Between his week+ trip out west for mountain biking and general Lumberjack training I sort of feel like my husband has been hijacked.

We had plans of redoing our upstairs and having it done by Summer. I got one "attic" room done by myself and as much as I could get moved into it. Now the room we want to renovate for DS is still full of DH's boxes of books and crap and I can't get any more done until he tackles that--but he has no time or energy for it. I'm desperate to get this house sellable (as is he, most of the time), but it's taking a backseat to his fun, which really kinda p!sses me off. His little midlife crisis (he turned 40 in Feb.) would have been easier if he'd just gone out and bought a sports car.

[shootingstar]

I think I am a bit sensitive to this because of a more personal reason. DH, when we first met, really wanted a partner he could ride MTB with. And then I finally got a little stronger and lost a bit of weight and I could suddenly hold my own. I don't want to bash DH, because he is a great guy and partner in almost every aspect. However, my mtbing, I can tell, bothers him! I can see he struggles with this. He knows he's being a jerk about it, but can't stop himself. He's just not supportive of it anymore and he's resentful

It's really taking a toll on me. This season has been tough. I'm not all that motivated to go out and train because I know it bothers DH when I do well. I've also put on a bit of weight.

I keep telling myself this is DH's issue. I shouldn't let him hold me back. but it's tough! I don't want to create a wedge between us.

Hope you find a solution with hubby, limewave. But I hope you also have a female, good mtbiking friend to chat about cycling in general. Indy's suggestion "Dance of Anger" is a good book for all sorts of relationships.

[zoom-zoom]

I just found an interesting blog post about being chicked. The author totally had me, aside from her snide comment about anyone who runs >8:50 pace (seriously, lady...?! ).

[Reesha]

Eh, I didn't think it was that snide. Seriously, if a guy runs an 8:50 mile and really believes that he's not going to be passed by women? That's problematic. I liked her article though, especially what she says at the start about the assumption that men are always physically superior. Eyeball Gouge.

[missjean]

Occasionally when I go to group rides, some guy will race to get ahead of me at the start of the ride. Often I will end up passing him and staying ahead for the rest of the ride. I don't make a point to pass him, I am just faster. If he catches up and passes me, not a problem with me.
There was this one guy that I remember tho, he started the ride just that way, racing to get on the trail before I did. Sure enough, I pass him & keep ahead. But at every stop & re-group, he pushes ahead of me - only to have me pass him on the trail a few minutes later. After the third time of pushing past me, I did make a point to get right up on his back wheel for a ways and made him fight to keep ahead before I passed him again. Snarky, but fun.

[limewave]

The other day I was out doing an endurance ride. There was a mass showing of a local team there, probably about 15-20 guys. I was doing lap after lap and I kept seeing the guys. I never passed them, but they never got too far ahead that I didn't see them here and there. Getting into the parking lot at the end of the night, a couple of the guys were complimenting me on my riding. I thought that was really nice, that rarely happens.

I've also noticed the following happening frequently: I've been doing a lot of riding by myself. I show up at a trail head and there just happens to be some guys I know. Guys that aren't super fast, I imagine I would be able to keep pace without blowing a lung They chit-chat in the parking lot and ask if I'm riding alone. Yup, I am. And then they say "have a nice ride" and take off. They never offer to ride together.

Some of the time I catch them and go on by, sometimes they stay just 100 feet ahead of me. I've not been in a racing mood lately--in other words, I'm out there doing my own ride at a steady pace, no desire to try and chase anyone down.

Anyways, just thought it was kind of odd they never invite me a long It makes me wonder if their afeared of riding with a girl.

[tealtreak]

had to add my funny experience to this- in the past two years I have been mountain biking- everyone is friendly at trailheads- but no one has ever asked me to join them before. I just have recently gotten back into road and this A.M. THREE different groups of riders (two all male) asked me to join them when we met at intersections! Richmond must have the friendliest bikers ever! (: (and back to the whole "chicked" theme...yes, I had passed two of the groups... politely of course)