Funny "down there" story

[TrekJeni]

My apologies for not stopping in and saying HI for months. I've been riding my bikes, trying to get promoted at work and just got a THIRD Weimaraner which will be my new show/hunt puppy! I believe I'm going to change my middle name to OCD.

I live in Ohio and just got back from Syllamos Revenge 125K in Arkansas. It was part of the NUE (National Ultra Endurance mtb series) and my second NUE race of the season. I was down at Cohutta 100 at the Tennessee/Gerogia border just three weeks ago and even managed to squeeze in a fun 12 hour race with my boyfriend in Michigan between the two "longer" races. lol Thank goodness I bought a motorhome last year for all my bike racing.

Here's a little story I wrote my sister about the Arkansas race.

After sitting in the saddle for 11 hours and 34 minutes and crossing the finish line, I grabbed my clothes and shower stuff to take a quick shower at the venue.

So……

I walked to the shower house feeling tired but pretty great overall. It had been a really tough race and I’m sure I say this after a lot of races but the bar has been set for quite awhile IT WAS THE HARDEST RACE EVER!!!!!!!!!!!! I peeled off my kit and saw a pretty nice heat rash going on “down there”. I use chamois cream during the race but the heat of sitting in something so “moist” had taken its toll. I turned the water on in the shower and then almost instantly passed out from the pain. I was literally clutching the wall with everything I had. Why? Because, as the water rolled down my body and touched “down there” it felt like I had a MILLION fire ants attacking it! The pain was unbelievable. I’m laughing my *** off about it now but it certainly wasn’t funny then! I quickly realized that even though I was covered in sweat, dirt, poison ivy oil and god knows what else I was NOT taking a shower.

I turned the water off and then just soaped up my arms and legs. I turned the water on and stuck each appendage under the water one at a time to rinse off carefully making sure I didn’t get water anywhere close to the hooha! I washed my hair the same way.

I hadn’t peed the entire race (very typical of me) but now I needed to pee. Imagine how afraid I was of the impending pain if urine touched those areas! I straddled my legs as far as I could in the shower stall (with the water off) and PEED as forcefully as I could to ensure no “dribbles” down the leg and into the rash area. (You’re really laughing now, aren’t you? I know, it was pretty absurd!)

My pit mom (wife of one of the racers I went down to Arkansas with) ran to Walmart and bought me some extra strength Destin. I slathered myself in it and walked around the campsite the rest of the evening with the most ridiculous waddle! I felt much better after sleeping Saturday night but was still a little tender. Today I’m almost back to normal.

It gave me a huge appreciation for how miserable babies must be with diaper rash. Holy **** that hurt!

(stop laughing)

No really, I am STILL laughing about it. I can’t believe I do this to my body for “fun”.

[TigerMom]

You are absolutely right that the white Desitin Diaper cream or the brand called Butt Paste Diaper cream work the best for irritated skin and to promote skin healing. Glad you are feeling better already!

11hours on a bike ...Wow! You are awesome!____________________________________

2012 Specialized Amira Elite, upgraded carbon handle bars, Jett saddle 143mm switched to 145mm 2012 Selle Italia Max SLR Gel Flow saddle

2011 Specialized Ariel Sport,suspension post,Serfas Rx Women's Microfiber saddle

[Catrin]

Congratulations again on the race, and VERY glad that you are feeling better!!!!!

[Roadtrip]

Ohhhhh my!! I have to say I've been in a similar situation from a ill-fitting saddle and 20 miles on that thing had me unable to sit for days and going to the bathroom was pure torture.

Glad your feeling better!!!

Shannon

[Jiffer]

What a crack up! Only on a site like this can we actually share stories involving "down there", right?!

This reminds me of when my husband finished Leadville his first time with a time of 9:58, his longest time in the saddle ever . . . on a bumpy mountain bike course, none the less. He couldn't feel his "boy parts" for some time. He was a little concerned, but I think the next day it started to get better.

Your story sounds even more miserable, though. Poor thing! And yeah, we do this for "fun", right?!!! (Levi Leipheimer won Leadville that year and said it was the most "wrecked" he'd ever been after a race!)