Dear So and So

**Crankin** · 05-07-2012, 03:16 AM

My "regular" friends think I am "crazy." I just laugh. They could tolerate me going to the gym and even working there, but cycling? It was OK for my son and DH. When I started cycling, they thought I was nuts and putting myself at risk. Too hard and dangerous.
What guys think muscles are weird? Is this a younger generation thing? The old guys in my riding group like women with muscles....

**malkin** · 05-07-2012, 04:23 AM

Originally Posted by Crankin

...
What guys think muscles are weird? Is this a younger generation thing? The old guys in my riding group like women with muscles....

Wasn't this also value in the late 19th- early 20th century? Once my grandmother got mechanized cooking, cleaning and laundry technology, she barely had to move anymore, and society saw that as a good thing.

So for the younger generation to flirt with it--I guess it is about time.

**indysteel** · 05-07-2012, 10:18 AM

Originally Posted by Crankin

My "regular" friends think I am "crazy." I just laugh. They could tolerate me going to the gym and even working there, but cycling? It was OK for my son and DH. When I started cycling, they thought I was nuts and putting myself at risk. Too hard and dangerous.
What guys think muscles are weird? Is this a younger generation thing? The old guys in my riding group like women with muscles....

I don't see it as a generational thing or as something with historical roots (although maybe that explains it in some cultures). Rather, I think a lot of men, and people in general, are resistant to change, especially change that stands to highlight their own issues. How many people out there would prefer their partner remain overweight and out-of-shape because that enables them to stay the same way? I can also imagine that many men are threatened when their wives start getting in shape, for fear that they might leave or attract added attention from other men. I'm generalizing this to men, but I'm sure there are women who fear the same things.

I also think there are plenty of men--and women--who perceive muscular women to be less feminine. We at TE may realize the stupidity in such notions, but they persist regardless.

Even within healthy and evolved body attitudes, I think there's room for respectful differences of opinion. I prefer to look toned and lean, rather than really muscular. Not that I could achieve the latter, but I'm not after a bodybuilder's body for myself...but I respect the right of others to pursue the body they desire for themselves.

**L-Bell** · 05-07-2012, 10:45 AM

Dear egomaniacal middle-aged man:

Thank you for reminding me of the importance of kindness and humility by being totally lacking in both in your role as “shepherd” on a training ride yesterday.

First you made fun of a lady who fell after getting tangled up in her clips, then you mocked my voice after I yelled out a safety call, then you rode behind me while talking loudly about “riding inefficiently, for example, THAT girl, who for some reason is in the SMALLEST front gear and pedaling too hard”, so that I had to turn around and say “excuse me, but are you talking about me? And why aren’t you offering to help me instead of talking about me to someone else?”.

You then refused to describe how to better utilize the gears, even after I explained that it was my 3rd time ever on a road bike and while I hadn’t mastered the terminology, we both knew I was referring to the left gear shift and how to better use it and I’d appreciate any advice you could give me, but you instead said things like, “LEFT and RIGHT are not terms that mean anything when talking about a bike – there are no LEFT and RIGHT gears – the aim is to ride EFFICIENTLY”.

Your role was to offer encouragement and support and you instead chose to humiliate and belittle. Next time at least wear a shirt that fits so no one has to look at your sweaty exposed lower back for 2 hours.

**Blueberry** · 05-07-2012, 10:55 AM

Hang in there, L-Bell! Thankfully, NOT all group rides are like that....

(and there are very good, knee protecting reasons that you might should be in your little front ring and upper range of the back cogs - most beginners ride in too hard a gear from the little bit I've observed)

**L-Bell** · 05-07-2012, 11:14 AM

Thank you, Blueberry... I don't know what's worse, his behavior or the fact that I let it get to me! I was actually having fun for the first 20 mi, relaxing and keeping the pace, not falling (my main goal), chatting with friendly strangers - then had to do the last 7 while trying not to cry. Oh well. Phooey on him.

**emily_in_nc** · 05-07-2012, 11:52 AM

Aw, that stinks, L-Bell. Try not to let it eat away at you. There are jerks everywhere. I let things like that bother me too, but I know intellectually they are NOT worth either of our life energies!

Good for you for getting out there and riding. You'll learn all the terminology in time. In the meantime, welcome to Team E, and the longer you hang out here, the more you'll learn. This is an incredibly supportive group of women, and we won't treat ya like that cycling snob, promise.

**lph** · 05-07-2012, 12:29 PM

What a stupid, pretentious a$$hole, L-Bell! And probably not very much past newbiedom himself. The most expert people I know are usually the ones that are the best at gently rephrasing their advice, again and again, until they're understood.

I poke fun at my sailing friends who refuse to use the words right and left as soon as they step on board a boat (- I mean, what's best in an emergency, having your doofus non-sailing buddy swing the boat in the right direction, or keeping to the correct nautical terms and having a boom thwack you in the head?), and threaten to start using "drivetrainside" and "non-drivetrainside" on them

**Owlie** · 05-07-2012, 02:37 PM

Originally Posted by L-Bell

Dear egomaniacal middle-aged man:

Thank you for reminding me of the importance of kindness and humility by being totally lacking in both in your role as “shepherd” on a training ride yesterday.

First you made fun of a lady who fell after getting tangled up in her clips, then you mocked my voice after I yelled out a safety call, then you rode behind me while talking loudly about “riding inefficiently, for example, THAT girl, who for some reason is in the SMALLEST front gear and pedaling too hard”, so that I had to turn around and say “excuse me, but are you talking about me? And why aren’t you offering to help me instead of talking about me to someone else?”.

You then refused to describe how to better utilize the gears, even after I explained that it was my 3rd time ever on a road bike and while I hadn’t mastered the terminology, we both knew I was referring to the left gear shift and how to better use it and I’d appreciate any advice you could give me, but you instead said things like, “LEFT and RIGHT are not terms that mean anything when talking about a bike – there are no LEFT and RIGHT gears – the aim is to ride EFFICIENTLY”.

Your role was to offer encouragement and support and you instead chose to humiliate and belittle. Next time at least wear a shirt that fits so no one has to look at your sweaty exposed lower back for 2 hours.

What a tool!

**Crankin** · 05-07-2012, 03:16 PM

A shirtless rider wouldn't have been allowed to ride with either of the 2 groups I ride with. That's just gross and dangerous, too (road rash, anyone?).

That guy sounds like every stereotype of a roadie that could be imagined. What an azzhole.

**malkin** · 05-07-2012, 06:57 PM

Ew! L-bell, you can find a better group ride.

**Catrin** · 05-08-2012, 03:59 AM

Uuugh, what a ba$*@*d L-Bell, you can find a ride with a better leader than that... I would find that quite stressful myself and wouldn't be able to relax so I am glad you were able to enjoy part of the ride. His behavior was totally uncalled for. I've run across a couple of roadies like him, but only a couple.

Congratulations on your group ride and on getting out there with your lovely new bike!

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