Dear So and So

[Owlie]

Dear stomach, it's just another relationship going down the drain, there's no need to react like that. Stop burning, I have to go and be an adult tomorrow, thanks.

(((Alexis)))


Dear bike,
I'm very, very sorry about that. You know well enough what I'm like when I'm hungry, so stopping off at the McD's was necessary. Unfortunately, I'm apparently an idiot at navigating bike racks. I'll clean you up tonight or tomorrow (at least the frame, since I'm in no mood to tackle what it takes to keep you from soiling the carpet if I give you a real bath), then put some nail polish on those scratches.

Dear self:
Maybe you should actually eat more (including protein) before riding, that way the McD's trips aren't necessary. Also, never buy the chocolate chip Clif bars again. Eew.

Dear butt:
Can you not shrink any more, at least for right now? I realize that this is an odd request, but in the past year, I've bought you new shorts and new jeans. Now I have to buy you new summer-weight pants (because while the stuff I wore last summer fits, I can't wear knee-length skorts in the lab), and worst of all, new bike shorts. I cannot afford new bike shorts. And it doesn't help that you're picky about shorts. Knock it off.
I'd contemplate not wearing shorts, but that might make finding a new home for my saddle a little difficult. Also I'd get arrested.