You have good suggestions thus far. Always gotta love TE for that!
On the routes, you could get the organized routes from those groups, without actually riding with them (as you mentioned them to not be nice people). That's one of the things I did to find more suitable routes here in rual Mayberry.
And yes, unfortunately, I know exactly what you are saying. Things are so bike-unfriendly here. Even with the few so called bike lanes, people will run you over in the city while in the bike lane.
I know you don't want to hafta drive to start your ride, but sometimes you do what you gotta do. I once asked a church pastor permission to park in his lot to start my ride. To avoid a deadly busy road. Most of the club rides start from schools, where public parking is not an issue with school not in session at the start time.
My routes leaving directly from home also involve riding on the "death roads" I call them. But I did figure out how to avoid as much of that road as possible. When I'm on the bad road, I just put my head down, get in the drops, and ride my azz off like I'm time trialing or something. To get off the bad road as quick as possible.
Good Luck!