Sad Day for Mother

[missjean]

My point in sharing all this is that I want each and every one of you to keep moving. It's been heartbreaking to watch my mother lose her ability to walk and with it her quality of life because of her inactivity. Every time I drive home from visiting her, I try to figure out what I can do to keep from ending up in the same situation and remind myself that I need to keep moving. I'm very sad and frustrated by the whole situation but don't know what, if anything else, can be done for her.

Boy, did you hit a nerve with me. I feel for you & I totally understand. My family is going though the exact same thing with my Dad. He has moderate Alzheimer's and that makes trying to get him to get up and move even more difficult. He can no longer understand, or care, that sitting all day is the reason he has difficulty moving. The toll it is taking on my Mom is just heartbreaking.
Just this past week I have spent hours on the phone calling different agencies to try to find some sort help that can do in-home exercising. I think I finally found what we are looking for, and now we have to go over their finances to see what they can afford. Thank god my folks are pretty well set money wise, because their 2 different insurance plans and the VA (Dad's a vet) have been worthless.
The VA has been a bureaucratic circus and the insurance is happy to pay for endless doctor's visits, MRI's, pills, walkers, wheelchairs etc. but refuses to pay for a couple of PT sessions a week which would actually make a difference in my Dad's life.

I say the exact same thing to myself - get up and move! I don't want to do to my daughter's what I going though now.

[emily_in_nc]

That is so sad, Bike Chick. I am really sorry. I know 75 years old might sound "old" to some on here, but my mother is 77, and although I have complained here before about her not being willing to "exercise", she does at least garden, go to the grocery store, cook (she still has dinner parties relatively frequently), and her health is actually quite good despite being overweight. She sits a lot (reading), but is still quiet spry for her age. I think she would feel even better if she'd at least take walks around her neighborhood, but it is quite hilly, and she just won't do it.

Compared to your mom, she is in great shape. Hearing your story reminds me of how much worse it could be. My grandfather got like that too, but not until his 90s. He had Alzheimer's and fell down and broke a hip. After that he had to go from assisted living to a nursing home, and basically just waited for about another year, year and a half to die. He had no motivation for PT or to do anything but sleep. It was very sad, but he was 96 when he died, so a bit more understandable. It's too early for someone of 75 to be like this, I think!

I wish you the very best. It must be very hard.

[Antaresia]

I sympathize, my Grandpa was much the same way. It's so frustrating, but it sounds like she's made her choice.

Take care, I know I plan on riding my bike until I can't anymore, then I'll probably get a recumbent tricycle.

[OakLeaf]

I wish I knew what to do to keep my husband from going down that road.

[Crankin]

This is definitely a mental health issue.
Ah, PCPs are not always that well versed in treating these issues. At the least, you might try to find a gerontologist MD, or at least a mental health specialist (counselor, social worker) who works with the elderly. Even if a therapist can't prescribe, he or she will have a connection with someone who can and they can provide a wealth of assistance for your mom and you.

[emily_in_nc]

Take care, I know I plan on riding my bike until I can't anymore, then I'll probably get a recumbent tricycle.

Ditto, ditto, ditto!

[Fredwina]

It might be worth Taking Crankin's advice. About three month ago I had to move my 84 year old from Swampeast Misery(across the river from Little Egypt) since she couldn't live alone anymore. The place we found is in Memphis TN. she now has a geriatrician as her primary care MD (plus my cousin, The MSN) and is doing a lot better. She 's sitting next me to right now

[Crankin]

I was just going to say this. The hour travel is worth it; call the gerontologist's office and make an appt. and then ask about the best way to get your mom there, which will be the least painful for both of you. Do not let the distance or her complaining deter you. Once you meet with this person, they will be able to help you with all of this stuff. It's his/her job. You may have to pay some $ to get assistance in transport, but again, it will be worth it.

I guess i should appreciate my 87 year old dad, who still lives on his own (with roommates my age). He has medical stuff and a few other oddities, but my brother is there to handle it and overall, he's pretty good. Everyone in my family, except my mom, lived to their early 90's, with full mind and sort of OK body (none of them were active, in the sense that we all are). My mom's father worked up until the day he died at 92, and there were tons of scrap metal sales people vying for his accounts at the end, like "when are you going to retire or die?"