Fear and Loathing on the road to thin and fit

[goldfinch]

I am a 57 year old woman who spent her life behind a desk and on her couch. I never exercised and at best I would take the dog for a stroll and walk to work once in a while. I retired at age 50 with plans to travel and have adventures with my spouse, who was already retired. Instead, I spent my time on the couch, reading novels, watching tv and making necklaces, and cruising the internet. I was obese, had high blood pressure, high cholesterol, restless legs that kept me awake at night, anxiety and depression and to top it off, sleep apnea.

My family was struggling. Home life was not good. A grand niece died. A niece died.

Life was not good.

But one thing was good. Every year I would go on a two week birding adventure with a sister. I would look forward to those trips and started to extend them beyond the time my sister could travel with me . It was time away from home when home was chaos and responsibility.

In the fall of 2010 my doctor noted that I had gained a couple more pounds and simply said that was common to gain that much weight a year. Prescriptions were renewed and I was sent home. I laid on my side that night and felt the weight of myself. I couldn't breathe without a CPAP. I had to have a pill organizer for all my pills. My mother had died of a heart attack at age 39. My father died of heart failure at age 63. I was on my way to dead. I was 4'11" tall and about 160 pounds. Obese. I got out of breath walking one flight of stairs. I couldn't walk any distance because of back pain.

A rare picture of me at my heaviest:



And a bit lighter, a couple of years before, in my typical position of holding my sore back:



In December of 2010 I left to go south for the winter by myself, leaving my spouse behind. New place, opportunity for new habits to form. I radically changed my diet to a low carb diet of delightful foods. I counted calories, limiting myself to 1200 a day. I'd go out birding in the morning, every day. I pulled out my little used comfort bike and bike around the state park loop, all of about 4 miles, taking all morning to do the loop. Sometimes I would abandon the bike and walk. I was out. I was distracted.

I lost weight.

I returned home in the spring and stepped on a scale. Down to 144 pounds! Still significantly overweight but feeling better. Still not fit, but much more able to get around. I decided I wanted to bike more. Me, on the comfort bike at around 140 pounds:



I struggled on that bike. I was never comfortable no matter what adjustments I made. I googled about and found Bikeforums and got advice to keep riding and do x, y and z to the bike. X, y and z didn't work. But I kept riding. Finally I decided to buy a new bike. By this time I had found TE forums as well as the Clydesdale/Athena section of Bike Forums. I learned about fit and figured out that my bike just didn't fit me right. I bought an extra small hybrid Cannondale Quick. I got a fitting on the advice and recommendation of this forum. And biking started to become a joy instead of a grim job on the road to fitness.

Thank you.

I religiously recorded my calories and thanks to Possegal's weight loss challenges I watched my weight go down from obese to "merely overweight." And then from overweight to normal. I worked on my core fitness to overcome issues presented by lack of any muscle tone and arthritis in my neck. Once I had more core strength my bike mileage increased greatly. I rode a 50 mile charity event in September. I decided I wanted and deserved a road bike and with the help and advice of this forum I bought my Madone.

I went south for the winter and continued to ride. Last year I put on 1500 miles on my bike, starting from nowhere. This year I already have put on 1300 miles. Today I now weigh 103 pounds. For the rest of my life I will have to be "agile, mobile and hostile" to keep off that weight. I can live with that. This year has brought me much joy which has long been absent in my life. I do not want to lose that joy. All is not perfect. I still have sleep apnea. I guess I am a lifer for the CPAP as some are. I still have high cholesterol. My BP is still high but now well controlled. My resting heart rate is no longer 72 but is 45. I can run up the stairs. My back rarely hurts. I am slow on my bike but I think that I could ride all day. On my 57th birthday I rode 57 miles.

I have been a member of this forum for a year now and have learned so much and am still learning. Learning is not just for the young! I want to give a special thanks to all the women who have sold to me and given to me bike clothing as I have lost weight over this past year!

For those of you who might visit here and feel like you can not be athletic and feel fat and unhealthy I share my story in the hope that you can find some inspiration.

[Owlie]

If this forum had a "love" button I'd press it.

[indysteel]

What an amazing journey, goldfinch. Congratulations to all positive changes you've adopted and to the strength of will it's taken to stick with it. Enjoy the road ahead.

[GLC1968]

I had no idea how far you'd come, goldfinch! I'm honestly proud that some of my jerseys are going to clothe your new body.

Congrats on a very impressive accomplishment!

[OakLeaf]

Woohoo! Way to go goldfinch, you seriously rock!

[Grits]

Wow. By sharing your journey you are offering hope to many women who might have given up or never even tried without your example. Thank you.

[emily_in_nc]

Wow! I have goosebumps and tears in my eyes from reading your story, goldfinch. Thank you so much for posting it.

Personally, you have given me hope. This is silly in comparison, but I have been distraught that I've gained 4-5 lbs I can't seem to get rid of since retiring last year at age 50 (same as you). I weighed 103 lbs (give or take a lb.) when we got to Belize last August, and this morning I weighed 108. It doesn't sound like much, but my mom was always tiny (22" waist in her 30s!), and around age 45, she started gaining and never looked back. She's 5'4" and probably weighs about 160, though that is a wild guess as she won't tell me how much she weighs. She's very unhappy about her weight, but resigned, because she's dieted for decades, and nothing works. I think her metabolism is so sluggish that she has to eat almost nothing to lose, but then her body goes into survival mode and won't let her lose anyway. She's got good cholesterol, triglycerides, and BP (so much of that seems to be genetic; I am also perfect in those readings), but no aerobic fitness nor muscle tone. The only exercise she gets is housework and gardening. She loves to read, cook, do artistic projects, and watch TV.

Despite the fact that I have lived a VERY different lifestyle than my mom as an adult, I find myself in extreme fear of turning out just like her. We are car-free here in Belize and bike/walk everywhere. I run -- not long distances, but I do jog/run 3x a week. I do yoga. I don't belong to a gym like I used to (it was free through my work), but do try to do some light lifting a couple of times a week. I don't think I eat more than I did when I was working and living in NC, but sometimes it's hard to make as healthy choices here since selections of groceries are somewhat limited since I live on an island. It's much easier to find fresh fruits than a variety of fresh veggies; and of course, increased fruit means more sugar. We also eat out more because there is lots of socializing that goes on here, and we do more traveling.

I am so scared I'll turn into my mom. I feel like my hormones are working against me, and despite still weighing less than 110, I can tell I have a LOT of body fat around my middle. I started our time here in bikinis, and now I'm wearing tankinis because I've gotten so thick in the middle with way too much jiggle.

Your story gives me hope that just because I am 51 now AND have an obese mother, I am not necessarily fated to the same. I would LOVE to get back down to 103 (my ideal weight). I am not quite sure what it is going to take (I hate to give up fruit!!) to do so, but reading your story, I realize I don't have to resign myself to turn into my mother. I know I spend too much time on the computer despite my bursts of activity, and perhaps that is what I need to change, though it's hard b/c I love the computer, writing our blog, reading other folks' blogs, writing emails, and chatting with friends on Facebook.

But I thank you for giving me back my hope. I was about to lose it.

And many, many congratulations to you for changing your life. You are my hero!

[PamNY]

Wonderful story -- and thanks for writing and sharing it.

[zoom-zoom]

If this forum had a "love" button I'd press it.

Me too...that is incredibly inspiring!!!

[azfiddle]

Goldfinch- Fantastic- you should be incredibly proud of the positive changes you have made!

My story is similar but not as dramatic as yours and I know how difficult it is to make such a tremendous change, and you have overcome your challenges!

Way to go

Sharon

ps- I may have told you but I studied the songs of the Lesser Goldfinch for my MS degree - so many positive associations with your user name here.

[bluebug32]

I'm sitting here grinning from ear-to-ear. So happy for you. Thanks for sharing!

[Braveheart]

What a marvelous, heartwarming, inspiration it was to read your story. Thank you so much for taking the time to write it and post photos. Congratulations on all the effort and hard work you did to turn your life around!!! Job well done!!!

[jobob]

What a wonderful story, Goldfinch. GREAT job!

[Chicken Little]

Outstanding. Hope for the future, right here.

[Wahine]

Goldfinch, thank you. People need to hear stories like yours. There are so many woman out there who feel helpless to make changes in their lives and your story could help someone find their way.

You are an inspiration.