Okay, I IS DUMB, DUMB, DUMBER!!

So much to learn, so little brain.....okay,..... I guess I see the problem:
1. I have the largest, cushiest saddle made, though it has a deep center groove, but probably it's spreading stuff that should not be spread. (But it feels SOOOooooo good....wahhhhh) I think I am shifting side to side pedaling because it's so large...ahem, mY BUTT is so large... need a smaller saddle, right?

2. Never knew about biker shorts, chamois until I read the VERY ENLIGHTENING POSTS here! (can't believe the one about the cups, etc. wow, no holds barred here!!) and YES, I was wearing underwear and pants, not shorts....the old slippery pants over the underwear problem...I see!

Now I am going to buy some biker shorts with chamois and a ton of chamois butter... and use vaseline to butter those b_tt cheeks too. And I WILL GO COMMANDO!!!! (you should have seen the look on DH's face when I told him that!!! )

Also, I have figured out that I have been putting my seat too high because of my VERY FAT legs, that were coming almost up in my face on the high pedal stroke...now I understand that maybe it has to be, a lower seat, live with the high knee until my leg loses the fat and it is normal again and then it won't be UP IN MY FACE!!!! Arggggh!

I found out sadly (almost falling over in the store trying on bikes, my baggy pants got stuck on a narrow seat front and I couldn't get them loose and DH rescued me before I splatted some kids and a display nearby....) ....where was I?

Oh, yes, DON'T RAISE THE SEAT SO HIGH I CAN'T REACH THE GROUND WHILE SITTING ON IT!!!! = falling on butt in store, making a scene of myself.....

So, some things will come in time....the biker shorts, the leg will diminish to a lovely svelte one and I will live through the embarassment of googling bystanders with mouths open as I pedal by...... elephant on wheels!

I AM BEAUTIFUL --- REMEMBER THAT!!!

Okay, THANKS, THANKS TO ALL YOU GALS WHO ARE MENTORING ME THE UNTRAINED.....love ya all!!