Teachers/Parents Advice

[beccaB]

I would definitely talk to the teacher. I work with kids and I know how they can embellish, although I'm not saying I don't take them at their word, I just would want to hear it from another perspective.

[Tri Girl]

I would talk to the adult. The teacher may have said that (wrongly, of course) out of frustration if she'd been dealing with those little girls and was having one of those "moments". I know sometimes when I've dealt with one or two "trying" children and I'm at my wits end, I have to watch my words carefully so I don't let on I'm frustrated to anyone.

Sometimes things get turned around in their little minds through no fault of their own, tho. Like the K kiddo who went home and told his dad that Mrs. B said he couldn't take a book home until he brought all his books from home to school. I really told him he couldn't take a book home until he brought back his book from home. He had it kinda right. The dad was very accusatory to me at first (I'm not sure why he really thought I would tell the child I wanted all his books from home), but when I told him what I really said, he just laughed.

I used to always tell my homeroom parents when I taught 5th grade: "I'll believe about half of what your child says about YOU, if you'll believe about half of what they say about ME."

Hope you get it resolved.

[Melalvai]

I expected this to be a story where the teacher told the kid to "just ignore it" or "he likes you" kind of thing. I think "go get revenge" is, while still not right, at least better than "just ignore it"!

I agree with everything everyone else said.

[Wahine]

I agree with everyone here about talking to the teacher and I also want to echo that what was said by the teacher may or may not have been exactly what your DD perceived. I have no doubt that your DD told you exactly what she thought was the truth. And it may be the truth. But it may also be a misunderstanding. I run into this all the time with my patients. They come in telling me that "The Dr. said I was supposed to do X." They are almost always absolutely certain that's what they were told. If it doesn't make sense, I always check back with the doc and invariably the patient was told something that they misunderstood to be something else.

So I would approach it that way by saying something like "I know that very often kids can misunderstand instructions and I wanted to clarify something. DD came home the other day and told me X. I was surprised because it didn't strike me as a method of dealing with bullying that would be encouraged so I wanted to make sure that she is dealing with these other girls' behaviour appropriately. And BTW, what is your policy/approach to bullying?"

It can also be very helpful in these situations to say something complimentary to the person you're talking to before you get to the meat of things. It helps to keep people from automatically getting their hackles up. Once that happens, the person won't hear a word of what you are saying and will just be on the defensive.

Communication can be very tricky sometimes. Good luck.

[Miranda]

I think you should talk to the school's principal. Or whomever is in charge of discipline. Sometimes the vice principal.

I say this because our local public school system has a VERY strict policy on bullying. One of the reasons being past violence, to the point of being fatal, that has occurred in schools.

It doesn't matter that the bullies are 6 years old. In 10 years they will be 16 years old. And 20 years 26 years. Maybe in jail being supported by our tax dollars for committing a crime (an act of bullying) that someone called them on, and stood up to, putting a stop to it.

The school administration would be able to tell you if they have such a program. Thus answering if the teacher/caregiver has been trained or not.

Part of the message from the caregiver was "stand up for yourself", "don't be a victim". Which is a good one, in part. However, when you typically take the law into your own hands in society, you end up in trouble yourself. So obviously your DD did the right thing to begin with.

Hope you find some resolve.

[Irulan]

If this is an afterschool program run by a school, it's probably staffed by low wage, non teacher personnel with some sort of supervisor, NOT teachers. This should affect how the whole situation is approached. Not to dis these workers, I'm sure are caring and devoted, but I'd be real surprised if there was any real training in child development, etc.

[Crankin]

That's exactly what I said. I just tried to say it less bluntly . I am always afraid of offending someone here!
Around here, after school teachers have to have a BA. However, in AZ this was not true. My cousin, who has a BA in early childhood ed, has been an "after school" kindergarten teacher (she gets the kids when their 1/2 or 2/3 day is over) for 20 years. She's really good, but she has a reading disability which has made her hesitant about taking on the rigors of a regular position.
So yes, the teacher's supervisor might be someone from Community Education, or whoever runs the after school program, or it could be the principal.

[limewave]

Everyone's replies are so helpful! I didn't want to rush in and be the angry, overreacting parent, but I also didn't want to just let it go. All of you are confirming what I have been feeling but just wasn't sure about the best way to go about it.

I think what I will do . . .
I have a good relationship with the supervisor (I know she has a BA in education--not sure about the other staff). Because of our relationship, I feel like I can casually approach her with this. She also knows DD very well, they have a special bond. She will have a good feel for the situation. I like starting with "There may have been a misunderstanding, DD came home and told me such and such . . . perhaps she misunderstood . . ."

This will give me an opportunity to find out what has been going on. There are many nights that DD tells me these same girls tease her. I know teasing is a part of being a kid and growing up, but it sucks when its your kid There are nights where she cries and says she never wants to go to school again.