Issues making friends?

[Catrin]

Our hearts are all in the right place even when our calendars are booked.

Yes, this Perfectly said!

[zoom-zoom]

I should add that while I don't have a huge network of friends in my immediate community, I DO have a rather large and close-knit network of friends via my association with the JDRF ride team (most within an hour's drive) and an even bigger circle of friends whom I've met online--many IRL. I am as close to some of my online friends as I am the friends I see more often. And my BFF lives 90 minutes away, but it doesn't make us less close. She is also good friends with my one local friend. And my hubby is my male BFF...I get to hang out with him every day!

[Gypsy]

I'll just chime in and say that it's true what's been written here that it does get harder as you get older and you're not in a school-type setting where you can meet lots of people where you have something in common automatically.

I also work semi-alone, my coworkers are not around me, and I haven't made many "work" friends because they're all over the country, rather than local.

My friend who had a baby last year, also found herself with less friends than before because she transitioned into motherhood while the rest of her friends were not on that same path. I told her to focus on mother/baby stuff and see if she met other like-minded mothers.

I think it happens at every stage of our lives and a long time ago I also gave up the the idea that my college friends would be my BFFs forever. It didn't happen and I am always sorry that the friendships weren't strong enough for that to become true.

I finally have a group of friends I see regularly that are my closest friends here locally. My BFF lives overseas, so I don't get to see him that often, just a few times a year. I appreciate the friends that I have here and thankfully, they were also riding people and through them, I've met one new friend.

I've also met a friend through a Pilates class and we see each other as often as we can now (she's moved, but she comes back periodically).

I do think it's exactly like dating! And it does require just going out there and being open to meeting random people.

The girlfriends that ride with me now were friends of friends and the friend that brought us together just disappeared from our life, but we stayed friends anyway (that friend got married and only wanted new married friends, not single friends ).

[Norse]

Some places are just very insular and hard to break into socially, like zoom-zoom described. I lived in a place like that for a while -- it had its long-time residents and it had its transients. I guess I was in the transient camp because I was new, and while I tried to socialize in both camps, it seemed like only the transients were open to making friends. Nothing wrong with that, until the friend you made last month is moving on to another location.

In contrast there are places that are constantly absorbing new people from all over the place, and they tend to feel more welcoming and it's just easier to meet people through a variety of venues and activities.

So true. When DP and I lived in LA, we had no problems making friends and had a large circle of people to do things with. LA is a very transient place. We've been back in MN for a decade now and our closest friends, who we still get together with at least once or twice/year and vacation with, are mostly in the So. Cal. area. Minnesotans can be so provincial. I know. I was born and raised here. Very outwardly friendly and they will do most anything for you, except invite you to dinner! We have made a few friends here - almost all through biking or work - that we get together with, but most of our local get-togethers are with family.

[itself]

Great topic. We have been here in AZ six years and only have two friends that we regularly hike with. I think that having hiking in common has helped. I think one other factor is where you live. Here in AZ it is a transient population. When I think of cities that I would want to live near because of perceived friendliness, I think of Portland, Oregon, Denver, CO, Vancouver, BC.

[tealtreak]

Great topic. We have been here in AZ six years and only have two friends that we regularly hike with. I think that having hiking in common has helped. I think one other factor is where you live. Here in AZ it is a transient population. When I think of cities that I would want to live near because of perceived friendliness, I think of Portland, Oregon, Denver, CO, Vancouver, BC.

So true! some places are more welcoming then others (: All of our friends are also transplants...............

[GLC1968]

Actually, I've heard it said that Portland isn't a good place to make friends either. That everyone here is certainly friendly enough, but no one wants to make REAL friends because they already have plenty.

Honestly, I haven't found that to be true at all but I've heard a lot of people say it so it wasn't just an isolated person who felt that way.

[Crankin]

All my friends in AZ were transplants from the east (the east, not Chicago, as some in AZ call it), like me. But, we weren't transient. In fact, I'm the only one who left! I agree it's a transient society, but that made it easier to make friends. People moved in, you invited them to dinner, and they came. Of course, I knew people who had lived in the valley for years, or were natives, through work.
Then, I came back here, where I was born, and it does seem like people are just more involved with their families. Not just their kids, but their parents, too. I remember 2 things. I called up someone i met and asked her if she and her DH wanted to come over for dinner. Her response was, "You mean like tonight?" I said no, on Saturday night. She never got back to me. The other one was we invited 3 couples over for a dessert party. They came so late, we had almost shut out the lights...
I suspect if I lived in the city, it would be different. Heck, I didn't even make any friends except our driveway neighbor, when I moved to this house. We went to the "Newcomers" club and it was a bunch of people that were so unlike us, we ran. Thankfully, we didn't really *need* new friends, but thought it would be nice to make some connections in Concord. I guess since my kids didn't go to school here, that won't happen. In fact, when I mention where I used to live and the fact my kids went to the "rival" HS next door, their noses turn up. Oy. I just look at them and say, hey, I moved 9 miles, I don't need to change anything in my life.

[shootingstar]

Maybe a different way to see the migrant residents (I don't necessarily view as "transients".), is that I find they, like myself, are willing to share with anyone where they originally/last moved from.

And from that, there is chat about comparing experiences ie. weather, lifestyle, local vibe, etc.

Without the Internet to share like this, some of us would be complainin' wayyyyyyy more for lack of human dialogue on some topics.